I hope she’s ready.
Because I always win.
FOUR
Becca
Don’t look back. Don’t look back.
My heels clicking is the only sound I focus on as I walk away from Callum.
Why in the hell didn’t anyone in reception tell me they booked his football team at my damn hotel? No, they don’t know our past. And, no, they don’t even know who he is. But for Pete’s sake, couldn’t they have just read my mind and handled it?
Although I would be quite mad if they could read my mind. It would more than likely backfire on them. They would never be the same after one second inside my head.
But I can’t even think about that right now. The only thing I can think about is stupid Callum.
Why can’t he just drop us? Move on already! Why does he have to make this so hard? It’s not easy for me. It’s like walking on hot coals and not letting an ounce of your pain show.
I thought we’d moved past this. I thought he’dfinallygiven up.
But when I saw him, I knew that I was the only person in the room with him.
He’s the only man in this world that can comfort me with a simple touch. The only man who truly sees me. The only one who could forgive me for cheating on him. Andthatis the truth he will always know.
After Brady ra—my therapist and I are still working on me being comfortable using the R-word. After Brady assaulted me, I couldn’t look at myself. I covered all the mirrors in my bedroom and bathroom. My face, my arms, my verybeingwere tainted, damaged.
When I looked at my arms, I saw his fingers curled around them, bruising my skin. When I looked at my face, I saw his hand muffling my screams. When I looked at my hips, I saw his hands wrapped around them, branding my flesh. When I looked at my body, I saw my worst nightmare coming true over and over and over.
I went to therapy twice a week or more for over a year. Now, I go if I need it. Deana, my therapist, made the biggest difference in my life, and it blows my mind. And since then, I have been able to look into mirrors again.
I couldn’t stand to look at myself, let alone watch myself through Callum’s eyes. Seeing the love in them every day was a knife to the gut. He looked at me like I was a ray of sunshine, like his life was dark when we weren’t together. But that was the furthest thing from the truth.Hewas the sunshine, and I was the eclipse, snuffing out his light. Only one thing hurt more than that pain. Okay, two things.
One, Brady.
Two, the day I looked Callum in the eyes—the man I loved—and I told him that I’d been sleeping with other guys, mainly Cade Carver.
The feud between those two exploded. Callum put everything he had into making Cade’s life as bad as he could.
But what’s the real truth—my truth?
I had gone to Cade before I talked to Callum. I’d seen him be kind and generous when he thought no one was looking. He always had this jerk persona, but that was never really him. I told him what had happened to me.
Somehow, it was easier to show a stranger my darkest demon than to share it with someone close to me. But people close to you have expectations; they have an idea of who you are. And I’ve never wanted to watch that shift happen, the shift in their eyes, where their image of you changes forever.
So, I asked Cade to help me—I practically begged. We weren’t friends per se; we just had an understanding. He gave life to my lie, and I gave him a block from the crazy girls at our school. He agreed to fake date me.
Cade Carver was no saint when it came to sex. I had heard enough of the hookup stories in the halls myself. But he didn’t want that anymore. I didn’t know what the change was—maybe he was waiting for Stella.
Whatever it was, it was everything I needed.
But then I had to tell Callum. Watching him fall apart by my own actions, my lies, will haunt me for eternity. I destroyed him. And he found a source for his pain, taking every ounce out on Cade.
I thought that would’ve made Cade call it quits. But then Callum took it too far and he touched Brooke’s ass, knowing the outcome that was coming from Cade. After that happened, Cade’s fate was sealed. Cade thrived in it, tormenting Callum.
Then came Stella, which made the situation a little tricky. A few times, I got lucky when Callum and Stella were in the same hallway together. I was able to continue my lie by threatening Stella.
I feel terrible for being such a bitch to her. But unless Cade told her the truth about our relationship, then she doesn’t know the real reason I was so cruel to her. The only times I was, Callum was behind her, within earshot.
