And more than anything, I’m mad at myself. Because the last thing we said to each other will haunt me forever, and I’ll never get to take it back, never apologize, never tell him I love him again.
That is what hurts the most. But I have to find a way to move forward, to make them proud. It’s why I’ve poured myself into the Chambers empire, continuing their dream and their hard work, one day at a time.
My fingers twitch to reach out and stroke his cheek, and I give in to the need. His soft skin feels like velvet under my touch.
Leaning down, I kiss his forehead and mouth the words,I love you.
We’ve never said that to each other, not during the two years we dated. But I’m glad we didn’t because we didn’t really know what love was back then. We tried to, but we never really had a chance.
Brady took that away, six months into my and Cal’s relationship. Brady was the first person to lay the bricks down, and then I took it from there, building the prison around myself.
Cal and I were distant, always arguing. After Brady did what he did, I felt like I was going crazy. I was mortified, terrified. I didn’t know it was Brady until Stella figured it out.
So, I lived in fear, and I tried to make sense of what had happened as best I could. I had sex night after night with Cal, trying to feel again, trying to enjoy it. And sometimes, I did, but sometimes, it felt like hell on earth, burning into my body and mind.
But I would do it again and again, trying to make the pain of it go away. Trying to convince myself it didn’t happen.
And I know that’s fucked up on every level. I know that. Using Cal as a sex toy to try to cope with my rape is one of my biggest regrets. He didn’t deserve to be toyed with like that.
When I came up with the plan to break up, telling him I was cheating on him, I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought it was the last thing I could possibly give him—an escape from me, a chance to walk away.
But he wouldn’t take it. He wouldn’t run. He fought for me every single day. And I owe him more than I can ever give him for showing me that kind of love. So, I will give him all I have left—my life, my love. I promise here and now to always and forever be open with him.
I’ve known Cal for almost four years now, and I’ve never had doubts that he is the one I want to be with. He showed me what it was like to be respected, to be cherished.
And I’ve decided that I will selfishly have him, love him, and I will never let him go again. Because Callum Jones is the only man I will ever love, the only man who will ever be able to claim me as his own.
“Becca? Are you okay?” Cal’s voice is full of sleep and raspy as he wakes up.
I stroke his cheek again, smiling. “Yeah, I’m okay.”
His eyes squint, trying to focus in the dark. “Are you sure?”
Keeping my promise, I lean down and kiss the corner of his lips. “Yes. Go back to sleep.” I glance at the clock. “It’s only four thirty.”Shit. It’s four thirty.
“Why are you even awake?” he asks me with disbelief.
I shrug, about to tell him a lie—that I just randomly woke up—but I catch myself. “I had a nightmare, a memory really. And just woke up from it.”
His fingertips sweep across my waist, only a thin piece of silk between us, and tingles spread through my entire body from his simple touch. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shake my head immediately. “No, not really. Not yet.”
The arm under my shoulders tightens, and he pulls me closer to him, wrapping his arms around me completely. “Okay, love. I’m here when you’re ready.” He kisses my forehead once, twice, three times. “Come on. Let’s get some sleep.”
“Cal?” I look up, my neck bent in an almost ninety-degree angle upward.
He looks into my eyes, and I swear butterflies flutter in my stupid stomach.
“Yeah?”
My promise to myself continues. “Kiss me?”
Cal smiles that full smile that completely lights up the room, and as he leans in to kiss me, he whispers, “Always.”
TWENTY-ONE
CalLUM
