How can he just know how I feel? Why can’t he just leave me the hell alone?
I inch closer. “I recoiled because in that moment, being surrounded by pure testosterone, the only thought on my mind was Brady and his hands on me. It had nothing to do with Austin, who has been a gentleman.”
Callum’s head begins to shake, and maybe I went too far, bringing up Brady. But that was truly the only honest thing I’ve said since we’ve been in here.
“I’m sorry, Becca. I shouldn’t have shown up like that. I’m sorry. I saw you with him, and I couldn’t get you out of my damn mind. I still can’t. I haven’t been able to for a long time.”
I think he’s about to be done with all this when he turns, his lips grazing my cheek, and, holy moly,that’s a feeling.
Fireworks erupt on my skin from the millisecond of contact. And my entire body floats an inch forward of its own volition, just needing to be closer to him.
“You know me best, Becca Chambers. You know every inch of my skin, every depth of my soul. And I won’t ever give up on you. I can’t. I think it might kill me if I did.” Callum’s voice is deep and so full of emotion that I can barely stand still without reaching out to him.
Callum leans in and kisses my cheek, and my eyes close from the contact. They stay closed for a minute as I hear shuffling in the room, and when I open them, he’s gone. And the gaping hole in my chest feels bigger than ever.
NINE
Callum
Idon’t want to stop. I don’t want to lift my lips from her forehead. I want to stay here forever. But if I push it any longer, I think she might slap me.
For the first time in months, we ended an argument with peace. And I’m not going to open my mouth in case I ruin it somehow.
So, I breathe in the one scent that calms my soul and walk out of the room without another word. The pounding of my feet echoes in my ears as I drag myself to my room.
I jam my key card into the door and force myself inside, doing everything I can to not run back to her.
After quickly sobering up, I need to distract myself, and there’s only one way I know how. The only thing that works is running.
I quickly change into sweats and a shirt. Slipping on my shoes, I do my best to push Becca out of my mind, but it’s impossible. Her gorgeous laugh fills my thoughts. And I yearn to hear that beautiful sound again.
My muscles ache to feel the sweet, sweet burn of miles of exertion.
It’s my favorite pastime, running is what I did every single night when I lived with my parents. I couldn’t stand being in that house longer than I had to. My parents pretend their life is perfect, foolproof. That people should envy who they are. On the outside, I’m sure it looks that way. But the photos on their picture-perfect social medias were never taken in that house. They were taken on a stage of their own creation.
In the grand scheme of life, of the world, I know that I was lucky to have a roof over my head and food on the table. But it doesn’t change the fact that I question everything that the people I love say to me. It doesn’t change that when I look in the mirror, I have to force myself to see my worth. The worth that I built on my own.
My parents may have, and still are, verbally abusive fucks, but I don’t take their shit anymore. They’ve called me a mistake, they told me I’m the reason they never got the life they wanted. And it took me a long time for me to like who I am and who I want to become. When someone, especially a parent, tears you down every single day, you believe their words. You’re supposed to be able to trust their words. You’re supposed to be able to trust your parents, your peers, the people you look up to. But the truth is, they’re just as messed up as everyone else in this world. They don’t have a key to this secret locked up wisdom. They pull answers out of their ass. They fake it till they make it. They lie, cheat, and abuse. I learned early in life that the people who will hurt you most in this world are the ones you love.
My parents have hurt me my entire life. My friends have hurt me, although they might not know that. Becca has hurt me.
But I know what’s it like to have been hurt so much, to be hurting so much that all you can do to find control or stability is to make others hurt too. I can’t imagine what she is going through. Her mom passed away from cancer and her dad just took his own life. I know she’s feeling so lonely, so numb.
I know what it’s like to feel so closed off to the world. Becca was the first person I ever really let in. She knows me more than anyone else ever will. I wish she let me love her the way she loves me.
But until then, I’m going to run my emotions out of my body. I want to run until my muscles give out and I can’t move. Everyone’s always surprised at my stamina. But they don’t realize the extent that I push myself every single day.
When I open the door, I’m shocked to see Chance standing in the doorway with his hand raised in the air, like he was going to knock.
“I was about to ask if you wanted to grab a bite to eat, but I can see you are occupied.”
My stomach rumbles at the mention of food, and I realize that the only things I’ve had today are breakfast and whiskey. “You down for a run? Food after?”
He smirks. “I’m always down to kick your ass. Try to keep up, Jones.”
I laugh, which surprises me more than anything because my mind is so far away from this conversation.
Chance turns, and I trail him to his room. It takes him all but a minute to change into shorts and a shirt.
