And as my feet pad the carpet of my bedroom, I hit the Call button to call the love of my life and to destroy the happiness we both found again.
But his pain will be temporary, and soon, we will be back together. But for right now, this is only temporary to me, to him, it’s forever. And I hope he can forgive me. But that time is not now.
It rings once, twice.
My heart jumps to my throat as I anticipate his smooth, deep voice greeting me like nothing is wrong.
On the third ring, he picks up. “Hey, Lu. Make it home okay? I miss you already.”
My voice drifts through my lips, the lies flowing scarily easily. “Yeah, we’re home. Your flight leaves soon?”
“Yeah, about to board in a minute.” He hesitates. “Are you okay? You sound kind of off.” His concern shines through.
The lies continue without effort. “Yeah. But, Alec, I—we need to talk.”
Silence rings in my ears, and then his voice goes quiet. “Is everything okay?”
My phone vibrates in my hand, but I ignore it.
My chest burns, and I grab the edge of the Band-Aid and rip. “No. Alec, I—as much as I thought this was working, that I was happy, I’m not. And I- we can’t do this anymore, okay? We-we can’t pretend that after all this time, everything will be fine. This isn’t working for me, and I‘m not happy anymore.” My voice breaks. “The long distance won’t work, the paparazzi, everything is just too much.”
His tone shifts as he says in utter disbelief, “You’re serious? You can’t be serious, Laura. What is going on?”
My hand slams to my open mouth to stop the soul-shattering cries from breaking free.
“Laura, I’m about to run out of this fucking airport. Fuck this jersey. Fuck this contract. I will break it right now. But I can’t lose you, Laura. I can’t fucking lose you again.”
There’s a shout in the back, but I can’t make it out.
“I’m coming. Stay right where you are. I’m coming to you.”
I manage to push two words through my trembling lips. “Alec, please.”
His words crack when he speaks, and I can practically see the tears in his gorgeous eyes. “Laura, please don’t do this. Please. I love you. I’ve loved you since I was sixteen years old, and I’ll love you when we’re fifty, eighty, a hundred. For God’s sake, Laura, it’s only ever been you. Since the day I first met you, your name has been branded on my soul. I can’t lose you, Laura. I can’t lose Jack. I didn’t know I was ready to be a dad, but Jack … he-he’s my son, and the second I met him, I never wanted to be anything more than his dad. More than I ever wanted this jersey.”
There’s a beat of silence, and then he quickly takes a large breath in. “Lu, p-please don’t.”
The last string holding my heart together is cut with my next words. “I don’t want to be with you anymore, Alec. It was fun to relive old memories. But that’s all it was—a walk down memory lane. I’m sorry, Alec. I’m sorry. We can finish out details with Jack later. I need some time to myself. Get on the plane. Don’t come here. I promise you it won’t change my mind. Good-bye, Alec.”
The air is heavy with silence, with all the broken promises that are tearing through me, and I imagine him too right now. He’s quiet, and I wish I could read his mind. But it’s probably for the best that I can’t.
I end the call, and a bomb goes off in my chest, a black hole forming in its place. I know that for me this break won’t last forever. But I just broke his fucking heart, and I can’t stop the pain of that from slicing my chest. The black hole sucks everything in. It takes all remaining happiness from my body.
I check my phone for the missed call. It’s just the hospital. Probably calling about the bills, like they always do.
Sometime during the call with Alec, I ended up in my bed. I grab the edge of my covers and yank them up and over my head.
Sobs break through my chest, stabbing pains throbbing with each breath.
I hear a knock on my door, and after the next gasp of air, I hear the door open.
Soft steps grow louder, and then two arms wrap themselves around me.
“Let it out, Lu. I’m here.” Char’s hands rub up and down my arms.
I curl into her, trying to permanently seal our bodies together so that I never again have to be alone.
My body shakes.
