He steps inside, and the elevator doors shut at a much faster pace this time around.
Thanks, universe.
“Which floor?” he asks.
I keep my eyes locked on the stainless steel doors. “One.” My tone is harsh.
He presses the first-floor button, and the elevator shifts into gear, slowly lowering us down. He turns to me, giving me his full attention. “How are you? How have you been?”
I take a deep breath to try to steady my rapidly beating heart. But it doesn’t work. At first, a part of me wanted to turn to him, let him hold me.
But now, I’m just pissed off.
Who does he think he is?
Anger floods my veins, boiling my blood.
This is what he says to me years later?
Years after he left Jack and me alone. Visions of Jack’s birthdays and holidays flash in my mind. Of him opening his Christmas and birthday presents and hunting Easter eggs. Images of my mom in her hospital bed burn into my eyes.
And I gorabid.
I turn to him and shove his shoulders hard, over and over, until he hits the wall of the elevator. His eyes widen as he’s taken aback by my physical response. They open so wide that they remind me of Jack’s, which only makes me madder.
My eyes find his, daggers in my stare. My words fly out, too personal and too vulnerable, ones that I will certainly regret. “You want to know how I’m doing,Alec? How I’m really doing?” I push his chest. “Let me tell you. Well, for starters, my mom’s in a coma. Has been for a while now. She is cold and so pale; she looks like she shouldn’t even be alive. She should be here with me, with us. I’m drowning in her bills, and they never stop coming. On top of that, I’m recently unemployed. So, now, I’m stressed out about paying for school, paying for my mom’s stuff, and paying for me.”
I leave Jack out. He has no claim on my little boy.
“And now, Mr. Knight in Shining Armor comes waltzing back into my life, asking how I’m doing. Who I haven’t seen in years, mind you. So, Alec, I’m doing just great! How about you?” I cross my arms over my chest and take a deep breath, feeling a little flustered from oversharing.
His crossed arms slowly lower, and he has to put effort into not touching me because of my closeness. I didn’t even realize I had gotten so close to him when I was talking—or rather yelling.
I stutter-step backward, putting some space between us. But I can’t ignore the tingles crawling on my skin from his contact. Even after all these years, he still has some magical effect on me.
His hazel eyes search mine, looking for something to grab on to. When he speaks, his voice is faint, full of pain. If only I cared. “Lu, I’m so sorry. I had no idea. Is there anything I can do?”
He reaches for my arm to give me comfort. But I pull away.
My eyes focus on the floor until the elevator door dings, opening to the sea of students moving between classes.
“No, Alec, there’s nothing you can do.” I turn to walk away but not before adding, “Actually, you can leave. That would make my life a hell of a lot easier.” I huff.
As the words come out of my mouth, pain erupts in my chest. I’m shell-shocked, being this close to him after all this time. I want to turn to him, run into the arms of the only person who has ever felt like home. But Jack deserves better than that.Ideserve better than to chase a guy who abandoned me when I needed him most.
I step out of the elevator, and he doesn’t follow. I walk as fast as I can to my car, slamming the door once I slide into my seat.
Starting the engine, I’m frozen, unable to move. My eyes can’t stay still, bouncing between my steering wheel and my white knuckles. The floodgates on my heart break, and locked-away pain and sorrow pour down my cheeks, staining my shirt and my soul. But I don’t shed a tear for Alec, for my mom, I can’t. Because once I start, I genuinely don’t know if I will ever be able to stop.
5
Then
“Take my hand, Clumsy.” Alec laughs as I almost fall on my ass.
With my heart in my throat, I place my hand in his as he continues to try to teach me how to skate.
“There you go,” Alec reassures me as I barely stay on my feet, skating shakily from my left foot to my right and back.
