I pace the neuro waiting area for a little while, only taking a seat when I notice that I’m distracting the nurses at the station.
Stasi leans against my side, resting her head on my shoulder. “You’re a good man, Liam. You’re good for us."
I lace our fingers together and give her hand a squeeze. Right as I’m about to tell her all the ways she makes me better, Dr. Malone strides into the waiting room. She claps her hands together, breaking the tension in the air.
“He did fantastic. Surgery went as expected. I believe we were able to remove all of the tumor, but we need to wait for pathology results to confidently say we got it all.”
Stasi releases a breath and nods. “Thank you.”
“I do want to set some expectations,” Dr. Malone continues. “We’ve got him in the ICU for monitoring. When he wakes up, we may see some speech and mobility difficulties with the swelling in his brain. Maybe even into his recovery at home. He’s going to want to sleep, which is agood thing. His body needs to heal. We’ll make sure he’s set up with all the care he needs once he’s stable and ready to be released.”
“Of course,” Stasi replies.
I can practically hear the gears whirring in her head, ready to make a battle plan to get Beau back on his feet and smiling again.
“We’ll let you two come back as soon as possible.”
With that, Dr. Malone leaves us. I wrap an arm around Stas and pull her against my chest.
“Our Beau is safe,” I murmur, kissing her temple.
And as soon as we’re able to confirm that his tumor is fully gone, no trace of cancer, we’ll all be able to resume normal life. That's the hope, at least.
“You need anything?” I ask.
Sucking in a deep breath, Stasi sits up and looks at me. “Yeah. For you to stop drinking coffee. Your entire body is vibrating.”
I chuckle. “Fair enough.”
Gently, she pushes at my chest. “Go do another lap. Leave my phone.”
Sighing, I hand it over and escape outside. I shoot off a text to Hail to check in on the dog currently under his care. Then I scroll up through his barrage of older texts I left unanswered, unable to give reason to my recent, strange behaviors.
I respect that Stasi isn’t ready to explain how I fit into the puzzle with her and Beau. I have no right to push anything when I spent most of my life terrified of relationships.
When the fuck did you get a dog???
Is this a mid-life crisis?
Is dog a code word for something else?
Yes, I’ll watch your dog.
A new photo pops up of Hail holding Cosmo in one arm. The dog’s pink tongue is pressed against the side of his face.
He’s deprived of your love, just like me.
Snorting, I pocket my phone.
After a brisk walk to burn off some of my anxious energy, I reenter the hospital. By the time I make it back up to the neuro floor, a nurse meets us in the waiting area. “He’s awake if you want to visit for a few minutes.”
Stasi pops up, and I let her lead. Each step towards Beau’s room takes effort. A conscious decision not to bolt.
I didn’t feel this torn up when my dad died. I didn’t feel anything at all watching as he was lowered into the ground.
I’m mentally preparing myself for what we’ll see when we walk into Beau's room. Still, one look at him laid out in the bed, head wrapped like a mummy, wires practically dripping off his body, punches the air from my lungs.
Again, I’m overcome by a sense of loss for the years we could have shared together.
