I have to accept the fact that he might always harbor that worry for me. It’s not something I can tell him to shut off. He’s programmed to care for others. I’ve seen it in the way he treats people in his studio and how he interacts with his friends. It’s one of the many reasons I fell in love with him.
I pause atop a rock to suck in a deep breath. We’re only halfway up the steep incline, and I’m already tired. This was a stupid idea, but I’m not sure when I’ll get to do this hike again.
OrifI’ll ever get to do it again.
There’s so many unknowns with my upcoming surgery, it’s hard not to get caught up in the possible negative outcomes.
Will I bedifferentwhen I wake up from anesthesia? Will I lose mobility? Will I be able to talk? Will I continue having seizures? What if themass is cancerous? What if my life revolves around survival, and I’ve just dragged Liam and Stasi into my depressing ass battle?
Stasi joins me on my rock. Snaking her arms around my waist, she kisses my cheek. “We’ve got you, okay?”
My throat tightens, nearly choking my words. “You could have anyone in the world. You two could be happy without me.”
“Beau. Don't you understand? Without you, we’re incomplete,” Stasi says.
I have to force a smile to keep from crying.
Liam steps onto the rock next to us, perfectly unfazed by the climb.
“Do you want to keep going?” he asks.
I suck in a deep breath. “I’m not quitting.”
We push onward, our combined pants the only sound in the air. It used to freak me out how quiet it was out in nature. How alone in the world you could feel.
And then I’d go home and sit down with a guitar or touch my fingers to the keys of my piano and remember how much life we’re capable of bringing into this sometimes frightening world.
When we crest the top of the flat peak, I break into a grin as Stasi does a full spin to take everything in. Phoenix sprawls out around us, skyscrapers visible in the distance.
“Now you know how I feel every time I look at you,” I say.
Stasi eyes me boldly. “You’re ridiculous.”
“You like it.”
Her entire face lights up. “I do.”
Mesmerized, I watch her for a couple painful beats of my heart. Then I find a good spot to lie down, propping my hands under my head.
Birds circle over our heads. I fall under their trance for a while, fascinated by how quickly they adapt to changes in the wind.
Eventually, Stasi and Liam settle on either side of me to watch the sun set, washing everything in perfect tones of salmon pink, melty orange, and baby blue.
No matter what the rest of the week brings, I can say it’s been a good life.
I dig out my phone and snap a picture of all of us without asking, catching Liam in a scowl.
“Instant favorite,” I say, saving it as my lock screen.
Stasi giggles. “Send it to me?”
“You know I will.”
She snuggles closer. “I’ve never done anything like this before.”
“Wait.Seriously?”
“The only time I’ve traveled outside of Texas was for tennis matches when I played competitively.”
