A laugh bursts out of Hail. “I think we broke him.”
I snort. “He’ll be back to his annoying self in an hour.”
“Oh, for sure,” Hail agrees.
“Guess we’re out then.” Malek salutes us.
Bells above the front door ring out, signaling their departure. I assume Maria already bailed. She’s not one for greetings or goodbyes. Not that I’m complaining. She lives her life like everything is constant. Like relationships won’t change without effort, and people won’t leave.
I have a very different perspective on that matter.
Now that it’s just me and Hail in the studio, I’m about to interrogate him about his family situation, worried about the impact it’s having on both him and his sister.
However, the sight of him clutching his phone in both hands as his knee bounces up and down has me taking a softer approach.
“Hey. You good?”
“Yeah.” After a pause, he adds, “Would be better if Z were here, but you know…”
“He’s putting in the work,” I remind him.
Therapy isn’t easy, and Hail’s boyfriend’s struggles run deep. I had hesitations about Z when Hail first dragged him into our world, only because I recognized the demons lurking in those ice-blue eyes. We were both exposed to them when Z toured with us as my guitar tech for a bit.
After some deeply reckless behavior, it was decided that Z would hang back in London and work through his trauma and addictions.
Hail nods. “He’s putting in the work.”
I’ve checked in with Z a few times, and I couldn’t be more proud of him for the progress he’s making. He plans on moving here as soon as he feels mentally strong enough.
“Don’t feel like you need to keep me company,” I tell Hail.
“Can’t I be worried aboutyou?”
“No,” I say firmly.
He does his best to glare at me, but he’s all golden retriever energy, even with the piercings and tattoos.
I glance at the clock on the wall. “About to be morning across the ocean. Get the fuck out of here.”
Hail looks at his phone for the hundredth time. The fact that he hasn’t jumped on a plane and flown out to see his boyfriend proves he’s respecting Z’s wishes. His self-control is something to be admired.
Wish I could rein myself in when it comes to filthy thoughts about his sister.
Hail hops to his feet. “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Thanks, Liam. Love you, man.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
I linger in the studio after Hail leaves, reflecting on my career with Atonement. What’s it going to feel like when they’re back on tour without me? How could I crave solitude so much when I was crammed in buses and bouncing between cities and yet hate it so much when I finally have it?
I think about Stasi, the only other soul I’ve interacted with outside of work since I moved back to this godforsaken city. I fear what might happen if she gives in to me. If I cave to my desires and claim her. What if we can’t get back to what we have now?
I almost laugh at myself. What the fuck do we have now? A frayed friendship I put little effort into?
I drag a hand down the side of my face. I just need a distraction. I haven’t had a single hookup since I moved home. Didn’t want anyone getting ideas. Just because I set up roots somewhere doesn’t mean I’m looking for something permanent.
