Sometimes my brain likes to play games with me. Like, how long would it take me to freeze to death? Would I die upon impact if I jumped from this height? How quick would I bleed out if I just took that cut deeper into my skin?
I swallow and clench my eyes closed, forcing those thoughts back under lock inside my chest. They share a space with things I’ve convinced myself didn’t happen. If I tell Isaac that my innocence was taken from me, then that makes it a reality, right?
What the fuck is wrong with me today?
The elevator dings, and my heartbeat quickens in anticipation of seeing Cain. When he appears in my vision, dropping his briefcase in a wooden lounge chair, I lick the icy saltwater off my bottom lip and watch him as he loosenshis tie.
He drops down onto his hands and knees until his face is hovering just over mine, upside down. As I stare up at him, wide-eyed and wounds exposed, I think I glimpse heaven in his loving gaze.
The searing need he creates within me is venomous, spreading through my veins and seeping into cracks to fill me up. I never imagined it would be possible to feel this way about anyone.
But here I am, aching for him. Probably on an unhealthy level.
“Hey,” he murmurs before sealing his lips to my pouty bottom one.
I part my mouth for him, letting him sweep his tongue inside. He kisses me slowly, ravishing both of my lips. Sucking and licking at me. Our tongues meet and roll and twist together in the most decadent way.
When he draws back, he keeps his eyes locked on mine.
“Hey,” I whisper.
“I have meetings over the security detail for the mayor tomorrow. I think you should go spend the day with Jakey.”
I fight back a wave of tears, realizing I’d been so wrapped up in Sinro and my own demons that I’d forgotten about visiting Jakey. My world used to revolve around him, and now I feel guilty that it has expanded so much that he’s become less prominent in my life.
How horrible am I?
“Okay.”
Cain’s brows knead together. “Salem won’t be there.”
My heartbeat falters, and my hands snap out to grip his forearms. “What the fuck. Is Jakey okay? Someone should be with him.”
“Ezra.” Cain’s tone comes out a little sharp. I clamp down on my anxiety, not wanting to push his buttons. Not when I feel so fragile today. So close to shattering into a thousand sharp, ugly pieces.
“Jakey means everything to you, and you matter the most to me. Kate’s there with him. We needed Salem’s expertise in the field the other night.”
Pulse still racing, I wince. “There were kids.”
He sweeps his thumbs over my temples, easing back damp locks of hair. “We got them out safely.”
I hate the emotions rising up in my chest. They make my throat swell and my skin itch. “Rev said you went to my old foster home.”
Cain hesitates, breaking eye contact. “Yeah.”
“Did you… kill her?”
His features twist up. “How do you want me to answer that question?”
I lift a hand to stroke fingers over the furrow in his brow. “With honesty.”
Dark brown eyes fall back to mine. “I put six bullets in her head.”
I nod. “Good.”
Cain lets out a heavy sigh and drops his forehead onto my bare shoulder. “I’m tired. Should we order fast food tonight?”
The porch crew at Madera Estates is on patrol when Forest drops me off at the doors in his mustang the next day.
