I find Jakey sitting in his recliner, knitting away. His ear is covered in gauze, taped to his shaved scalp. His eyes meet mine, and a goofy smile spreads on his face. “My Ezra. Knew you’d show up soon.”
“Fuck around, Jakey.” I curse, striding over to examine his wound. “Does it hurt?”
“Would hurt less if I took those pain pills, but I won’t touch ‘em.” Jakey shakes his head. “I’ll be alright. Now you wanna tell me why you look so sad?”
I drop down on my knees to rest my cheek on his thigh and wrap my arms around his waist. “I was scared you were done for. I’m still scared.”
He pats my head. “I’m just fine. Can handle my own.”
“You lost an ear. All because I got us both tangled up in a mess with criminals.”
“Bah. If it wasn’t gonna be criminals after you, it was gonna be my past catching up to me in some way.”
My tears soak his pants, but he doesn’t complain. Just keeps brushing shaky fingers over my hair like he used to do when the shelters were full and we had to sleep on the streets.
“I know you aren’t mine by blood, but that never did matter to me, you know that?” Jakey says. “My boy went to heaven, and I got to pull you out of hell.”
My body quakes as I cry, and I let out every horrible, gutting emotion pent-up in my core. I’d never fully disclosed to Jakey what had happened to me, but I guess he sensed it was something inhumane.
“You were the only person who ever made me feel safe,” I admit.
“And you filled a hole in my heart, sweet boy.”
I turn and rub my tear-streaked face on his pants. “You can’t just say shit like that, Jakey.”
“I’m gonna say a few more things, so listen up. I won’t be around much longer, Ezra.”
“Don’t talk like that. You’re going to live forever.”
He pats me again. “I don’t want you to keep hanging on to me. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. And you’ve got a nice man who loves you and wants to take care of you.”
I’m rendered speechless. I’m drowning in a sadness that permeates my very bones. Can you grieve the loss of a relationship as you knew it? Because this feels a whole lot like parts of me are dying and falling off.
“I’ll be just fine here. This is what we always dreamed of, right? We made it to East Bank. So it’s time to let go of the past and move forward. Can you do that for me, Ezra?”
I sob uncontrollably for a couple of minutes, clinging to his pants. After I compose myself, I nod. “I’ll try. But I’m still going to come visit you.”
“I’d like that. Bring that lovely angel with you when you do.”
“Who, Salem?” I can’t help but laugh. I wipe my eyes on my sleeves and give Jakey one last squeeze. “I don’t think I could keep her away from you, handsome.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
CAIN
Nothing pisses me off more than not being able to work. Actually, I think threats to Ezra take the cake for the quickest way to push me into a rage now.
I spend far too long sleeping because someone, either Ezra or Rev, keeps slipping me something to knock my ass out. So when I do finally wake up, I’m in a ripe fucking mood, made worse by the fact that my phone is missing and the sky is pitch-black outside the windows of my apartment.
“Ezra,” I shout, pushing up onto my feet. Blinding pain shoots through my body, but I do my best to ignore it as I limp into the kitchen.
The scene I walk in on dissolves my worry instantly. Ezra’s darting between a pot of water bubbling over on the stove and a smoking pan he tossed into the sink, caked in burnt tomato sauce. The kitchen island is covered in enough groceries and trash to make one of my eyes twitch.
“Fucking hell.” Ezra tips his head back, shoulders slumping. “Why is this so hard? Cooking will be the death ofme.”
A full laugh rises in my chest. I can’t help but drink him in, pathetic state and all, dressed in my t-shirt and sweats, and feel my heart fucking swell with love.
I have never experienced an all-consuming need like this in my life. That desire hasn’t weakened even a fraction in the time we’ve spent together. It feels like Ezra has been in my life forever.
