Isaac rushes out of the apartment like if he’s not quick, I might do something drastic. And that might be the plan. I hear the door click and rise from the edge of the bed, my heart sprinting in my chest.
Cain latches a hand on the hem of my shirt.
I sigh, my shoulders dropping in defeat. “Thought you’d fallen asleep.”
One blink, I’m standing, and the next, he’s got me laid out in the bed beside him. Part of my brain screams to fight against him, but it’s no use. Even injured, Cain would kick my ass.
I can’t seem to find a scrap of energy to get myself on my feet again, so I rest my head on his pillow, close enough to feel his breath against my skin.
“Sleep, Ezra,” Cain orders, slinging an arm over my waist. He nuzzles into my neck and presses warm, slow kisses there.
I open my mouth to argue, but his large hand cups my jaw, guiding it to meet him in a lingering kiss.
“Jakey will be okay. I need you to be okay, too.”
I can’t help but uncoil under the warmth of his body and the gentle stroke of his fingers along my spine. This, right here, is what I need. Cain wrapped around me, keeping me firmly planted in reality.
Eyelids drifting closed against my wishes, I sink deeper into the bed. “Someone needs to hunt down Gabriel.”
“We’ll find him. Sleep, or I’ll be tempted to get up and work.”
I grab his shirt in both of my hands as if I could threaten him. “Don’t you fucking dare.”
“Mmm. Then you better stay put to hold me down.”
I wake with a jolt, my heart thundering in my chest.
Lurching up in bed, I struggle to make out my surroundings. The room is dark, and that sets my panic loose with claws out. I scramble from the bed, convinced I’m right where Mason wants me. He’s locked me up in that basement. I never escaped.
This must be purgatory.
My pulse doesn’t calm, even after I pace the entire apartment. I can’t wake up Cain. He needs to heal.
But I don’t know what to do. Isaac’s probably asleep, too.
I end up in the bathtub. I’m not sure when I got the knife, but the process of removing all eight of my safety pin earrings brought me some relief in anticipation of the pain I’m about to bring myself.
Sometimes the process leading up to my self-mutilation is enough to calm me. Sometimes I truly need the pain. Maybe enough pain to make it all stop this time.
I killed that man, but he remains, like a stain in my head.
Tears burn in my eyes. I shouldn’t be doing this. Cain is going to hate me. Isaac’s going to realize I’m unfixable. Rev isn’t going to want somebody this broken on his team.
Tilting my head up to keep the tears from spilling, I don’t register the door clicking open until a giant figure looms in my peripheral.
Cain doesn’t say anything, but I feel his rage simmering through the dark room. He walks over to the tub. Then he heaves his bad leg overthe edge with a grunt, coming to a seated position in the tub with me, crowding my space.
I should scold him to go back to bed. He’s going to injure himself again.
Instead, I let him pull my body against him. Let him hold me as I fall apart. I sob so hard I’m half-convinced my chest is going to burst open. I sob until both of our shirts are soaked with my tears. I feel physically sick from the effort of shedding all of this pain churning inside of me like hurricane winds.
“I need help, Cain,” I cry out. “I’ve never wanted anything more than you and this job in my entire life, but I can’t do this. Look at me. I should be taking care of you right now. I’m a fucking mess. I told you I was. I don’t deserve you. Kick me out, please. I’m worthless. I belong on the streets.”
Cain growls, wrapping his hands around my hips and tugging me closer. “You belong in my arms. You belong with me. Hell, I think some part of me knew it the moment I laid eyes on you.”
He strokes hands over my hair and presses kisses to my forehead. Then he tips my chin up so I’m looking directly into his eyes. “Listen to me. You are worthy of every ounce of love others want to give you. Do you understand? You deserve love. So let me give it to you until you’re healed enough to believe it, too, okay?”
All I can do is nod and bury my face in his chest.
