“You never wear suits.”
I vaguely registered everyone around us muttering in confusion, but I simply could not tear my focus away from Mike. I barely even felt Lottie’s wrist squeeze to attempt to bring me back to the real world this time.
“I prefer you in your normal clothes,” I said. My smile had dropped now, and I was frowning across at him.
The suit waswrong. I’d never been a fan of change. It felt imperative that I get this across to Mike right in that moment, so I didn’t filter my words or think about what they might be implying.
“In particular, I like the thermal shirt you wear that has a small rip in the left sleeve.”
“Jesus Christ,” Mike muttered, and two flags of colour appeared on his cheekbones above his beard.
“Whoisthis guy?” I heard the Hyde Park investor whisper to his colleague. Both of them had made their sexual interest in me known previously.
I had improved on how I turned men down now. Instead of my standard “no” accompanied by a blank stare, I pretended to be flattered and faked remorse for the fact I wasn’t free to pursue any further relations with them.
To be honest, I’d not quite managed this form of lying yet. Both of those men had received a blanknofrom me, and I’d overheard both of them call meice princessmore than once.
“Vics,” Lottie said in a low voice, trying to draw my attention. “We need to keep an eye on the time, yeah? Gentleman, ladies, excuse us for a second.”
I registered her pulling on my arm, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Mike.
“Victoria,” she snapped, her voice raised just enough to penetrate my hyperfocus.
I blinked before turning to her.
“We need togo.” She breathed a huge sigh of relief as I nodded. Lottie muttered our excuses, and we left the circle to start across the ballroom.
“I was doing it again, wasn’t I?” I asked in a dejected tone as Lottie headed for the exit with me in tow. There was a certain amount of panic in her movements now, and I knew it was because she was worried about the fireworks. Well, not about the fireworks, but about my reaction to the fireworks. I wasn’t good with fireworks. Ollie hadn’t even wanted me to come tonight because of them.
Ugh. What kind of person couldn’t even tolerate a few loud bangs?
Once Lottie and I were around the corner in the corridor leading to the toilets, she turned to me and gave my hand a quick squeeze, which was all I could tolerate in terms of handholding.
“It’s okay, hun,” she said in a soft voice.
“It’s not okay,” I snapped, as my hands bunched into fists at my sides. “I’m never going to convince him to sleep with me if he thinks I’m defective.”
After what happened between Mike and me at Buckingham Manor, I’d been thinking. Okay, so maybe Mike didn’t like me, which made him a poor choice as a romantic prospect. But the kiss would suggest that he had changed his mind about pursuing something physical.
If I could convince him to take me on as a project in the sexual sense, then I might finally be able to lose my virginity. And given the fact that he was the first man I had ever been attracted to, this was probably my only opportunity to do it. It was ridiculous to be a twenty-nine-year-old virgin. If I didn’t sleep with Mike, that was never going to change. I’d decided it was worth the risk, despite the fact I wasn’t “emotionally safe” with him.
Plus, I simply could not stop thinking about him. The kiss and being held in his arms had made my obsessive thoughts ten times worse. I was actually thankful that I’d had a blissful twenty-nine years without being tortured by the kind of unrelenting yearning I was experiencing now. I woke up most nights aching and sweating after dreams of Mike kissing me, on top of me—all kinds of things I’d never imagined before. It was completely taking over my life.
Lottie frowned. “Vicky, you’re not defective.”
“Yes, I am. I’m defective and weird.”
“Who wants to be normal? What even is normal?” she said with a smile, clearly trying to coax me out of my black mood. “It’sprobably blooming boring. I’d rather hang out with you than someone boring. And you arenotdefective, Vicky. Not at all.”
As she linked arms with me and propelled us to the ladies’ toilets, I had a warm feeling spread from my chest. Yes, I employed Lottie, so I knew deep down that she wasn’t arealfriend. It was a transactional relationship, which in reality, was the only type of friendship I was able to cultivate—but when she made comments like that, the warmth in her voice made it easy to pretend.
“Why are we going to the toilets?” I asked.
“It’s what women do to catch their breath,” she explained.
I wrinkled my nose. “Sometimes I think that the whole world is weird, and I’m the only normal one.”
Lottie snorted a laugh as we pushed through into the cavernous bathroom. She moved to the mirrors whilst I headed to the nearest cubicle.
