“I’m sorry,” he said, that desperate quality still to his voice. “But I was so worried. I can’t eat, can’t sleep. I just needed to know you were okay. And Will is still out there.”
“Felix, that’s mad.”
“I just can’t get it out of my head.” He swallowed and his red-rimmed eyes got redder. “Lucy, I saw the video. He hurt you. Your head bounced of the wall like…”
Felix trailed off as he paled so much under his tan I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.
“Youcan see I’m fine,” I snapped, ignoring the throbbing pain in my fingers. To be honest the lasting injuries weren’t from Will’s assault, they were from being thrown out into the freezing cold and developing frostnip on my fingers.
Felix blinked at me and then looked down at the book clutched in his hand.
“You wrote my story,” he said, so low that only I could hear, his words weighted, heavy with emotion. That meant something to him. That I used that story as the basis for my first novel meant a lot to him. I swallowed and then cleared my throat.
“It’s not yours,” I whispered, stepping closer to snatch the book from him but he held onto it, giving his head a small shake.
“You told it to me first. I’m theoriginalLP Mayweather fan. All this lot are a load of Jonny-come-latelys. I knew how talented you were before anyone else. I was the first to believe in you.”
I rolled my eyes, still unable to drop my hold on the book, to break the connection. “Some fan. You didn’t even know they were published.”
“You never told me.” There was a hint of accusation and, to my surprise, hurt in his words. “How could you not tell me?”
Anger flashed through me, and I gave the book a tug. He didn’t deserve my bloody book. “And when would I have done that, Felix? When did you let me explain? When did you actually ask me what I’d been doing all these years?”
“Lucy, I?—”
“No,” I snapped, giving the book another tug, but he refused to let go. “You don’t get to make excuses. Do you know how much I knew about you before I came up to London? How rabid for information I always was from Mikey? How I scoured those glossy magazines, buying all the ones with youin them with some actress, model or popstar? God, I’m pathetic.”
Felix groaned. “No, Lucy. No, please don’t say that. You were just a kid when I left. If I’d have known you in the last few years,reallyknown you, then I would have devoured every word you’d ever written. I’d have stalked you way worse than you did me.”
“Yes, but youdidknow me after I moved here. At least you thought you did.”
Felix huffed in frustration. “You never told me. If you’d just told me then?—”
“Okay,” I conceded. “I should have told you about the books. I never actually lied, and I would have told you if you’d ever asked me once about what I’d been up to.” He winced at that, the flashes of colour staining his cheekbones again. “And I know I should have made sure you understood what I was doing working at your company. That wasn’t fair. Although when I did try to explain a few times, you cut me off. But I accept that I was essentially lying by omission, and you didn’t deserve it. But how could you think me capable of selling secrets to a competitor? How could you even think for a moment that I would sell you out?”
“Luce,” he said, that pleading quality back in his voice. “You’ve got to understand what it looked like. And there’s been… listen, I’ve been fucked over relentlessly since uni. I should have talked to you about what happened with my ex and about how wary it made me. She really betrayed my trust. I–I can’t get into the details but I was completely taken in by her. I’m jaded and cynical, and I… I just jumped to a stupid conclusion.”
“I’m sorry you were fucked over,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. “But you’ve known me forever. That’s not me. I thought—” I broke off to take a deep breath and swallowed. “I thought we were…” I closed my eyes so I didn’t have to look into his when I said it and lowered my voice to a whisper. “I was falling in love with you.”
“Well, I fell in love with you the night I fed you Marmite toast next to my Aga… in fact, no, that’s not right. I fell in love with you when I was an angry, hurt thirteen-year-old who was transported to another world by your stories. That’s how long you’ve been it for me. I was just too stupid and fucked up to see it.”
I felt my eyes prick again, and this time, the hot tears did form. I let go of the book, my hand going up to my mouth as I stifled a sob and took a couple of steps back.
“Right,” snapped Emily as she stepped between us, “that’s it, city dickhead. You’ve made her cry, so your time’s up. Get. Out.”
“Yeah,” put in Harry York as he came up next to Emily to further block Felix from me, assuming a wide stance and crossing his arms over his chest. “Time’s up, mate. Why don’t you get out before I put you out.”
“As if you could,” Felix muttered grumpily. “But fine.” He put his hands up in surrender. “I’ll go. But I’ll wait, Luce. Forever if I have to.” I peered around Emily to look at him. He was wearing the same determined expression he used to have as a child when he wanted something. I couldn’t remember a single time back then that he didn’t succeed, and I didn’t want to know what that meant for me.
Chapter 26
You both needed a bit of a push
Felix
As I walked up the path to the small, terraced cottage, I felt my chest tighten. I loved it here: the warm kitchen, the laughter, toasted hot-cross buns, casual affection – it was the total opposite of my family home. The Mayweathers had a way of making you feel like you were one of them. I never felt like I was just a paying guest or that Hetty was just my nanny. They were family. I started to feel sick. What does Hetty think of me now? Realising that I’d paused on the path, I shook my head to clear it before I made my feet step forward towards the bright blue door. After I’d knocked, I was bracing to be confronted by a furious Hetty, so when a just mildly grumpy Jimbo, one of the bartenders at The Badger’s Sett, opened the door, I was flummoxed.
“Ah, the Moretti boy,” Jimbo said, rubbing his hand over his stubble as he looked me up and down. “What you here about, lad? Not still sore about the time I cut your fake ID in half, are you?”
