He could hold me if that’s what he needed. But if he thought he could tell me what to do, he had another think coming. Being on my own since the age of eighteen with no parental support had made me fiercely independent. I relied on and only answered to myself. That was one of the reasons why none of my boyfriends had lasted very long (the other reason was my drawing endless and pointless comparisons between them and Heath – such was my obsession). I simply couldn’t bear being restricted or having anything less than complete freedom. Therefore, at these words, I tensed and pulled back.
“Don’t tell me what to do, Heath.” I shoved away from him fully as the rest of the afternoon came flooding back. “And don’t wade in with my parents for me. I can fight my own battles.” I was striding towards the cliff steps now with Heath following, his shoes making sloshing noises as he went. Had I not been so angry I would have laughed.
“Yaz wait. Oh, fuck it.” I glanced over my shoulder to see him toeing off his shoes (something he should have bloody well done before he jumped into the water in the first place) and leaving them on the steps so he could jog after me. I picked up my pace.
“Aren’t you going to get those?” I flung back at him. “I’m sure all that Italian leather can’t have come cheap.” His shoes probably cost more than my clothing budget for an entire year, maybe even my entire adult life as most of my clothes I nabbed in sponsorship deals, anyway.
“It was exactly because youweren’tfighting your own battles that I waded in with your folks.”
We were at the top of the steps now. I decided it was beneath my dignity to run from him, so I walked to my bike and clothes. Once I made it there, I grabbed my shorts and shimmied them up over my legs before doing up the button fly.
“There is no point arguing with my parents or with Max. They have a fixed opinion when it comes to how I fit in with the family narrative. You can’t change that.”
Heath’s eyes were fixed on my hands at my fly. Two flags of colour bloomed high on his cheekbones before he swallowed and cleared his throat, his gaze lifting from my midriff with visible effort.
“But you can change the narrative,” he said fiercely. “It doesn’t have to be fixed.” He took a step towards me and his tone softened. “They should know how amazing you are at what you do. How dedicated you are to it, how much discipline it requires.”
I blinked. Heath thought that about me? I felt that chink in my armour widen again as I stared at his open expression.
“It doesn’t matter how good I am or how hard I work. They just don’t consider my job to be a profession. And a few instructor qualifications won’t impress anyone in my family.”
“You don’t know that, Midge. You–”
“It hurts me,” I said through a closed throat and Heath shut his mouth. “Their attitude hurts me and it’s worse if I try to convince them to take me seriously. I have tried that before and honestly it’s much,muchworse than just laughing along as they take the piss. When I put myself out there and they dismiss me, I can literally feel my self-worth sliding away. And Ineedto believe in myself – to believe that I deserve to be filmed and sponsored, that I deserve to have clients for the well-being centre, that I deserve to be paid astronomical amounts by rich adults to teach the sport I love so that I have enough to subsidize teaching the kids. I don’t need my family to erode my self-worth any more than they already have. They love me in their way. It’s enough.”
“I misjudged you as well, Midge, but I changed my mind once I had all the information. You’re not letting them have all the information.”
I reached down and grabbed my t-shirt before chucking it over my head and pulling it down. “You didn’t misjudge me, Heath. You took against me long before you started putting me down for my life choices. I don’t know what I did to upset you so much all those years ago, but it wasn’t about misjudging me.” I grabbed my bike and swung my leg over it. Heath positioned himself in front of me with his hands resting on my handlebars in the middle. “Get off my bike.”
“I just think that–”
“When I was a kid, you were my hero. I loved it when you defended me to my parents who were already despairing about my lack of academic prowess. That’s why it hurt so badly when you turned on me, Heath. And that’s why I can’t forgive you and why I can’t deal with you sticking up for me again with my parents. That’s not who you are to me anymore. Now,get off my bike.”
He took his hands away and stepped to the side immediately, looking like I’d slapped him. I pressed my lips together and kicked off from the ground to fly away down the path.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t back in the sea. I couldn’t properly clear my mind. So, I was unable to shake the image of Heath’s tortured expression as he talked about losing me.
Chapter 16
That’s why he needs you
Yaz
“Verity?” I said softly, and she looked up from her position, leaning over one of the office desks. Her eyes were a little wild, her usually perfect make-up smudged, and for some reason she only had one of her stilettos on. “Er… babe, are you okay?”
“I–I… I can’t…” Her chest was rising and falling rapidly and her face was almost unnaturally pale. I flew across the office space to her side and laid my hand on her back.
“You can’t what, love?” I said, rubbing small circles on her back. I could feel her trembling beneath my hand.
“I can’t b–b–breathe,” she choked out. I frowned as I fished my phone out of my back pocket. “I’ll call an ambulance.”
“No!” she shouted, grabbing my hand to pull my phone down from my ear. “No ambulance.” She shook her head fiercely.
“But V, if you can’t breathe then–”
“Panic,” she managed to get out in between her gasping breaths. “Panic attack.” Her pale face was now flooded with colour. I lowered my hand slowly, with hers still clutched around it.
“Okay,” I said slowly.
