‘You came back to me,’ he rasped into her hair.
‘I never wanted to leave you, you daft article. That was all you.’
‘I thought you deserved more than I –’
‘Don’t bullshit me, Sam Clifton.’ Katie cut him off, pulling away to look into his eyes. ‘You were scared. You started to … well … like me, and it pulled you out of your comfort zone. I’m not judging; anyone who had been through what you’ve been through would want to stay numb and would be more –’
‘Likeyou?’ Sam asked, frowning down at her, and for a moment Katie’s heart dropped. Oh God, she thought, I’ve been a right numpty assuming he actually likes me. He goes out with celebrities for goodness’ sake. ‘Like you?’ he repeated. ‘For Christ sake, Katie, I sodding love you, you prat.’
‘W-what?’
‘Haven’t you worked it out by now? Jesus, I fell in love with you the first time I met you, at Rob and Sarah’s engagement party. I thought you were the most gorgeous thing I’d ever seen. You were wearing one of those outfits – you know, the ones that are so bright you look like something out ofFraggle Rock, the kind that could induce an epileptic seizure if stared at from a certain angle. You had Benji on your hip and your hair was all piled on top of your head with the curls fighting their captivity. I thought you looked like some sort of breathtakingly beautiful psychedelic fairy.
‘Then you spoke, your soft voice with your accent. By that stage I was almost halfway gone. What sealed the deal was when Benji spilt your drink all over you; you threw your head back and you laughed. It was one of those laughs where you use your whole body; everyone in the room stared at you. Then … then you snorted. You remain the only woman I know who snorts every time she really laughs. After that you looked at me and you blushed. Tears were running down your cheeks from laughing so hard, your face was bright red, and I couldn’t take my eyes off you.’
‘You … you …’ Katie looked away for a moment, trying to take in what he was saying. ‘You were a complete wanker when we first met. You barely acknowledged me. I felt like an idiot.’
Sam’s face clouded over. ‘That was six years ago, Katie. I just got back from … I couldn’t even process …’
Katie’s eyes widened. ‘Oh my God, that was straight after, wasn’t it?’
Sam nodded slowly. ‘Who told you?’
‘Goodie.’
‘Of course.’
‘Do Rob and Sarah know … ? I mean …’
‘Rob was out there with us. He wasn’t captured but he was part of the team. Rich was his best friend too. Although to be honest even Rob doesn’t know everything. Only Goodie knows, and now, I suppose, you. Sarah knows I’m damaged, but not what happened.’
‘I don’t think she told me everything. I was … I mean, I think she might have thought better of it as she got into it.’ Katie was not about to tell Sam that she had been physically ill after hearing what she suspected was a significantly toned-down account; she didn’t want to put him off if he decided to share more with her in the future.
‘You know you can’t repeat that stuff, don’t you, Katie? Top … confidential … covert …’ Sam blinked for a moment and shook his head as if to clear it, reminding Katie of how very drunk he was.
‘Hey,’ she said softly, taking his stubbled face in her hands. ‘Who would I tell?’ He blinked again, his eyes glazing over as he stared into hers.
‘I missed you,’ he breathed, sliding his hands up into her hair, his eyes roaming her face as if drinking in its every detail. ‘I tried not to look at you today. It actually hurt to look at you and know that I’d fucked everything up, that I couldn’t touch you.
‘Oh, Sam, I –’
‘I wasn’t with Lydia in London,’ he said urgently, clenching his hands in her hair. ‘I mean, I was with her but notwith herwith her. I was only meant to be part of her security when that picture was taken, but she practically jumped on top of me as soon as she saw the paps.’
‘Listen, Sam, I –’
‘Sarah told me you saw the picture; she called me a lowlife selfish piece of shit, and she was right. Katie, I’m so –’
‘Will you please shut up a sec. I’m trying to tell you I love you, you big idiot.’
‘W-what?’
Katie rolled her eyes. ‘Don’t look so surprised. You must have realised I was just abitkeen on you when you caught me asleep on the sofa with my face buried in your unwashed running T-shirt that time. Or perhaps when I leapt on your family with rampant overfriendliness the first time I met them.’
‘Theyleapt onyou,Katie. They love you too. From what I gather from when I listen to their messages, they’re even angrier with me than Sarah. And anyway you’re the friendliest person I know. You were even nice to Lydia and she’s a raving bitch.’
‘Why … why were you ever with her? I mean you did sort of … go out with her for a while.’
Sam closed his eyes slowly, then rested his head on the back of the sofa. ‘She served a purpose. The women I’ve been with in the last six years all have. They’ve all been … well, a bit cold, a bit superficial, a bit vain, and most importantly … not you.’
