‘Look, you might live your life in a state of perpetual chaos, but some of us actually like to arrive somewhere when we say we will.’ With that parting shot he stalked out of the door and slammed it behind him.
Katie wandered back into the kitchen in a daze. When his nightmare had woken her up in the night, his way of silencing her questions had been devastatingly effective; but as she looked back on it now she realised that it was colder and more clinical than the night before. More like he was trying to run away from something and using her body to do it. They hadn’t even really kissed, for goodness’ sake, and in the morning she’d woken up with him as far away from her as possible on the bed, his back turned to her. Katie was a cuddler by nature, and she knew that for them to have woken up in that arrangement would have had to involve some pretty epic disentanglement manoeuvres on his part. The thought of him pushing her as far away as possible as she slept made her feel suddenly cold, and a strange feeling of foreboding swept over her.
Tea, she thought, her positive nature breaking through, forcing her to make the best of the situation. And by the time she’d finished her tea and eaten Sam’s marmalade toast, she’d come to the conclusion that she was over-reacting, that he had just had a bad night’s sleep and everything would be fine.
She should have listened to her first instinct.
*****
‘What do you mean I’m not going out on visits?’ Katie turned her chair to face a shady-looking Russell, who was avoiding her gaze.
‘Look, between us Dafydd and I have got it covered, okay? You stay and do the scripts, there’s over a hundred letters to go through as well.’
Katie’s eyebrows shot up and she frowned. ‘Dafydd wants to visit my patients?’
‘Uh … yeah.’
‘Russ, yesterday Dafydd referred one ofhishousebound patients to dermatology having neverseenthe rash because he couldn’t be arsed to visit him. Are you seriously telling me that he’s volunteering to visit Mrs Hughes, whose main complaint – as it has been for the last twenty years – is that she’s feeling a bit “muggy-headed”. I’m not twp; I know you’re lying.’
Russell shifted uncomfortably on his chair. ‘To be fair to Dafydd, if steroid, anti-fungal and anti-bacterial doesn’t work on a rash, then nothing will.’
‘Russ, out of everything we deal with, dermatology has to be the most visual. Unless he was secretly skyping Mr Davies – who from my understanding doesn’t even have a working landline – I think it’s safe to say a visit was in order. Now, what’s going on?’
‘Okay, I spoke to Weird Rambo this morning. You’re not to leave the building. I’ve been put in charge of your security.’ Russell puffed up his chest with pride and Katie rolled her eyes.
‘Did he … did he tell you where he is?’ she asked, feeling a bit stupid and a little humiliated that she should have to ask the whereabouts of her own sort-of boyfriend, although for the last two days she’d heard nothing from him and was in fact beginning to worry.
‘Oh, no – K.K., I just assumed that …’
‘Never mind,’ Katie said, pasting a fake smile on her face and blinking furiously to hold back tears. ‘I’m sure he’s just busy. I know they’re trying to wrap up filming on the set and they’ve got some big names flying in, so …’ she trailed off, turning back to her computer, pretending to start going through the scripts. Russell sighed and she felt him come up behind her chair before he put his hands on her shoulders.
‘K.K.,’ he started, sounding a little uncertain, which was unusual for Russell, ‘I don’t want to be Mr Negativity but don’t you think there’s something a little … off with Weird Rambo?’
‘What do you mean?’
He squeezed her shoulders, waiting a beat before replying. ‘I don’t know how to put it, but he’s sort of … intense.’
Katie clenched her teeth. ‘Not everyone is quite as relaxed as you, Russ.’ Russell transferred his hands to her chair and spun her around.
‘No,’ he said firmly. ‘You misunderstand. I mean, I like him … I really do; he’s funny in that sort of deadpan I-could-kill-you-with-one-hand-tied-behind-my-back-but-can-still-be-fucking-hilarious-when-I’m-in-the-right-mood kind of way. And it’s obvious he cares about you, he makes you happy and that’s a big plus in my book. But he’s sort of hyper-alert the whole time around you, and the way he watches you, it’s like … it’s like he thinks at any minute something’s going to snatch you away. You don’t see it because you’re off in Katie Land, but he mirrors you, he moves when you move, he doesn’t take his eyes off you.’ Katie blushed and couldn’t help a small smile. Hearing that Sam was too intense about her was actually quite welcome news after not hearing from him in two days.
‘No, Kate,’ Russell said, and her smile faded. ‘I know he’s hot and he seems like a good guy, if a bit serious, but it’s not normal. I have a bad feeling about it. I have a bad feeling about you with him.’
‘Russ, I think he’s been through some stuff. Maybe military stuff, I don’t know, he won’t talk about it. But I’m sure that –’
‘You can’t fix everyone, Katie.’
‘I’m not –’
‘There are some things that are beyond repair, some people who don’t want your help. Some experiences too ugly to be blotted out even by you.’
Katie tilted her head and scrunched her nose.
‘We’ll see,’ she said, having complete confidence in her Sam. And hewashers; she felt it down to her bones. Maybe he’d been a bit weird when he left her house, and maybe she didn’t exactly know his whereabouts, but she had faith in him; he’d work through it; he’d come back to her.
Chapter 25
Square one
