“I wish Jamie had never suggested the fricking swearing jar – it’s turned her into a right little Alan Sugar. She’ll be able to buy her own flat screen telly soon the way she’s going.”
“Another two pounds, Auntie Ki Ki, and one pound from you, Mummy.”
“I didn’t swear!” I protested, giving her little shoulder a small shove. She shoved me back twice as hard, nearly sending me into an oncoming tree.
“Badger is a swear wordto you, and hell isdefinitelya swear word – a blasphemous one.”
“Badger is not a swear word.”
“It is whenyousay it – it’s all about context.”
“Who’s teaching you this stuff? You’re eleven, for God’s sake.”
A small sound came from Millie and I glanced over at her to see her biting her lip. This is what you get when geniuses spend too much time with other geniuses. Millie and Rosie should be separated at all times.
“That’s another pound, Auntie Ki Ki.”
“Look, just take a twenty and shut up.”
“Shut up’s fifty pence.”
I grabbed the little madam and used one of my arms to put her in a headlock whilst tickling her with the other. She squealed and her little hand made its way into my side, right where I was most sensitive. Before I knew it, we’d fallen into the leaves and I was laughing. Rosie was laughing too, until she saw my face and froze. My smile faded and my chuckle died slowly as I saw her serious expression.
“Hey. You okay, kid?”
She launched herself at me and hugged me so fiercely it knocked the wind out of me for a moment. When she pulled back, her face was still serious.
“I’ve missed you,” she told me.
I frowned.
“But I’ve been right here. I see you all the time.”
“No, you haven’t.” She shook her head. “Not my real Auntie Ki Ki – the cheeky one that giggles and swears and tickles me. You’ve been gone forages.”
“Ah.” I kissed her cheek and felt my eyes sting. “Sorry, little louse,” I said, my voice a little choked, but I managed not to let any tears fall. I knew I hadn’t been myself since the attack. I’d tried to hide it from the kids, but of course a child as intuitive as Rosie was bound to notice. I was no longer staring at walls and flinching at every small sound, but I still wasn’t back to being me. To be honest, I was starting to think I’d never be back to the self I was before. I suspected there was a new version of Kira Murphy ready to come out now. Maybe that wasn’t altogether a bad thing.
And, try as I might, I couldn’t get Barclay out of my head. I missed the bloody cockwomble. As the shock of the attack faded and my emotions began to return I started to realise just how much. But I couldn’t reply to his emails. I couldn’t bring myself to trust him again. I knew he rang Mark and Millie to check up on me. I knew he hadn’t given up, but I just wasn’t sure I could take that risk again. Maybe that was part of the new more cautious Kira now. Maybe I’d lostmylady balls.
“I don’t want you worrying about me, okay?”
“Come on, you two,” Libby said, grabbing both our hands and hauling us both to our feet with her superhuman mum strength. Her eyes were a little glassy, and when I looked over at Millie, I saw she was the same.
“Soppy freaks,” I grumbled, but as soon as I was on my feet I was pulled into a fierce group hug instigated by Millie – not that she could even physically make it that close to us with how big her bump was now. I was almost proud of her. My inappropriate hugs were definitely rubbing off on her.
“No time for that, my darlings,” Mum’s voice came through the trees and then the woman herself appeared from behind a large horse chestnut. “We’re about to start.”
Mum was barefoot and, seeing as it was mid-summer in England, of course the forest was a bog – but muddy feet had never fazed my mother.
“Here we are,” she told us as she dragged us through to the clearing. Maureen from Mum’s rambling group came up to us and threw flower garlands around our necks. I’d been one of the mugs Mum had forced into making the damn things, so I did not appreciate them being ‘thrown’, but whatever. I settled for giving Maureen a dark look. Mum hustled us into the large circle of people, all holding hands to form a ring around the clearing. It was mostly women dressed like Mum (flowery garlands, flowing maxi-dresses and bare feet), but there was a smattering of men in the mix: the usual suspects – husbands like Geoff who’d been dragged along and forced into linen trousers, which was about as New Age as he was prepared to get.
My hand was gripped by a surprisingly large one to my left as Rosie took my other one. I turned to see Henry smiling down at me.
“What the–?” I broke off when I saw Mrs Lucas the other side of him, holding hands with an excited Kim. Mrs Lucas gave me a small wave and a wink. She was still wearing her twinset with matching neck scarf, but I saw Mum had managed to get a couple of wildflowers into her hair. “I–I . . . what’s going on?”
Henry gave my hand a squeeze, chuckled and then looked into the centre of the circle. Okay then. I turned my head to follow the direction of his gaze and I froze.
Mum had flounced into the centre and picked up a tambourine, (Margot was on the ukulele, Sue the recorder), but that’s not what short-circuited my brain.
