He winked. I threw up in my mouth a little but managed to swallow and give another nervous laugh. What’s with that bloody laugh? Why couldn’t I just tell him to fuck off? I’d told Barclay to go fuck himself easily enough.
“Yeah, yeah,” I said, “something like that. Catch you later.” I turned away from him to jog off to the clinic room, but his hand closed around my elbow in a vice-like grip and dragged me back.
“Don’t forget we have our mid-appraisal meeting soon,” he leaned down to say into my ear, the faintest trace of a threat in his voice. I could feel his breath on my cheek. “Maybe this time we should switch things up a bit. Dinner at your place? Bit more informal.”
“Alright Si?” Mark’s sharp voice drew Simon’s face away from my ear, but he kept hold of my arm. “You want to get your paws off the registrars,mate?”
Simon’s hand released me and I took two rapid steps away from him. I could feel my eyes stinging again. That would be the second time in three days, after years of stoicism. I blinked rapidly; there was no way this slimy prick was making me cry.
Simon laughed. God, his nasal laugh made me want to punch him in the balls. “Ki Ki and I were just sorting through some appraisal stuff, weren’t we Kira?”
“Um…” I looked up at Mark who had a face like thunder. I didn’t want to look like a drama queen. After all, Wankpuffin hadn’t actuallydoneanything. Not really. I tucked a pink strand of hair that had come loose behind my ear and gave Mark a weak smile. “Yeah, sure, er . . .” I started edging away, wanting to get well out of both their radiuses if I was going to turn on the waterworks again.
Mark’s eyebrows went up and he crossed his arms over his chest.
“Kira’s appraisal is not for another six months,” he told Simon – something he already knew.
“Well, yes.” Simon cleared his throat. “But Kira’s always needed just a little bit more help than the other trainees. Doesn’t hurt to be prepared, does it nowKi Ki?”
This was a tactic I had begun to recognise in Simon, tearing me down just subtly enough for it to fly under the radar. But having someone chip away at your self-esteem and self-worth every day was wearing – and this was one of my particular weak points. I had always struggled with my postgraduate exams. I’d failed the second part of my Membership of the Royal College of Physicians . . . twice. But I’d got there in the end. Exam nerves had plagued my entire medical career, and the membership exam was renowned for being unreasonably stressful and very difficult to pass. Now, I just had my diploma of HIV left to do and I needed it to achieve my dream of becoming a consultant in Genito Urinary Medicine and Infectious Diseases.
“I think Kira’s doing just fine,” Mark told him, taking a step closer and putting his hands on his hips. For a very camp gay man, he was throwing out a lot of testosterone into the hallway and he had at least half a foot and a fair amount of muscle bulk on Smarmy Simon.
“We’ll see, we’ll see,” said Simon, backing away fast now that he knew his Kira-taunting opportunities had dried up.
Mark gave a very heterosexual growl as the door to Simon’s clinic room shut behind him, and I moved to him to put my hand over his arm.
“Don’t worry,” I told him. His eyes were trying to laser holes in Simon’s door. “I can handle that wankpuffin.” I smiled, trying to lighten the mood, but I knew it came off slightly wobbly. I was feeling especially raw after Barclay’s attack at the weekend.
Mark huffed a sigh. “You don’t have to bloodyhandlehim Kira. Report him to HR. Report him to Prof. Change educational supervisor. He’s gaslighting you all the time. I can’t stand by and watch it happen.”
I bit my lip and my eyes slid to the side. There was no way I was reporting this toanyone. Kira Murphy was a strong independent woman. She didn’t go crying to HR every time someone was a bit of a pillock. And it wasn’t as though I was the best trainee either. I probably was on the ‘problem’ list at the Deanery with my failed exam attempts and the interruptions to my training. I’d taken a six-month break from my training scheme last year to travel with Médecins Sans Frontières, which the Deanery had not been happy about. The last thing I needed was to stir up something else and create more black marks against myself. That would not help me get a consultant job at the end of my training.
“It’s nothing,” I told Mark, shaking my head to emphasise my point. “Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill, okay? Let sleeping cockwombles lie.”
Mark’s mouth tipped up in a half smile. “You’re going to have to settle on wankpuffin or cockwomble as his official title, you know?”
“Hmm … I think I’ll stick to wankpuffin. I’ve allocated cockwomble elsewhere.” I patted his arm and started to move away but Mark kept in step with me.
“Has something else upset you, Kira?” he asked in a low voice. The concern and softness of his tone nearly brought on those stupid tears again and I shook my head to clear it.
“Of course not,” I told him, avoiding eye contact.
“It’s just you’ve been a bit . . . well, I never thought I would say this to you but you’ve been a bit . . .quiet. There’s not anything else going on, is there, babe?”
I looked down at my shoes for a moment, then gave him a wide grin and just about managed to stop it from wobbling again.
“Nowyou’rebeing a cockwomble.”
He gave me a small smile, appeased for now.
Chapter 8
I can spot a non-apology when I see one
Barclay
I pressed the buzzer again then shoved my hands into my trouser pockets. Judging by the state of the intercom box, I had my doubts that it was an actual functioning entity. I’d been out here for five minutes already, and unfortunately I could feel the beginnings of a horrific migraine brewing. How the hell had Henry got in? I heard footsteps behind me and Sam tapped me on the shoulder.
