‘What?’ Pav looked around as if noticing the other people in the room for the first time. Then he grinned and proceeded to practically drag Millie from the room. He held her hand all the way back to her office and, once there, gave her a kiss on the cheek, right in front of Don.
‘You’re going to have to get used to public displays of affection I’m afraid,’ he told her, still grinning. ‘I’m a PDA type of guy.’
He was like a whirlwind. His energy seemed too big to be contained within the walls of her small workspace. His grin died a little as he realised she had yet to speak. ‘Hey,’ he said, more softly now. ‘Mils? You okay?’
‘Maybe you should slow down a little, young man,’ Don said, his kind eyes taking in Millie’s flushed face. ‘Let her get used to all this.’
‘I …’ Millie took a deep breath in and then let it out slowly, resisting the urge to pinch her forearm. ‘It’s fine.’ She straightened her spine. If she was going to be with someone like Pav she was going to have to be a little braver. And she wanted to be with him so desperately. If there was any motivation to help her change it was this man and the prospect of losing him. She would just have to toughen up. She forced a smile. ‘I’m fine.’
Pav’s grin died a little more at the sight of her forced smile.
‘I know I’m a pushy bastard sometimes,’ he said, his voice now soft. ‘I’ll tone it down, all right?’
Millie shook her head. He shouldn’t have to tone anything down – not for her. ‘I’m fine.’ She widened her eyes at Don, giving a quick shake of her head, and he frowned across at her.
‘Okay,’ Pav said into the silence. ‘So shall I come to yours or pick you up to come over to mine tonight?’
He didn’t ask if she was free. Pav knew that if it wasn’t Friday night bingo or a book group Millie was always free. She bit her lip.
‘Er … I … I can’t see you tonight.’
‘What?’
Millie knew she was boring and predictable but the surprise on Pav’s face was still slightly galling.
‘Are you working?’
Millie hesitated. She hadn’t exactly been avoiding telling Pav about tonight, just hoping he might have had something on himself. Unlike hers, Pav’s free time was stuffed full of all sorts of other things: football and then the pub with the boys (he’d dragged her to watch a tournament last weekend – she’d thought she’d hate it but Libby came with Rosie to keep her company and cheer on Jamie, which meant Kira had been there too; between Kira’s inappropriate cheerleader routine on the sidelines and Rosie’s nonstop five-year-old chatter, it had actually been kind of fun), family meals (he’d tried to drag her along to these but so far she’d refused – the humiliation of the bad impression she must have made on his mother was still too fresh), squash, tennis, urology department nights down the pub … the list went on. But with her luck, ofcoursehe would have to be free tonight. And of course he would want an explanation why she wasn’t. Not for the first time Millie wished she could lie convincingly.
‘I’ve got to meet my parents tonight,’ she told him, her eyes dropping to his shirt collar.
‘Oh …’ He paused and then ducked down to catch her eye again. Pav hated being denied eye contact, and over the last month she’d become much better at maintaining it – only breaking into old habits when she felt under pressure or uncomfortable. ‘Well … I could come with you.’
Millie shook her head back and forth rapidly and started stepping away from him, but he caught her hand in his.
‘No, no, no. I mean …’ she said quickly. He was frowning at her with a hurt expression. She bit her lip thinking of all the times he’d wanted her to get to know his family compared to how she was shutting him out of hers. But he didn’t understand. How could he, with his large, loving family – all expressed emotion and unchecked affection; how could he possiblyeverunderstand?
‘Trust me. I’m doing you a favour. My parents are …’
His other hand reached up and closed over hers, pulling it out from under her sleeve. She’d started pinching the skin of her wrist without even registering what she was doing. Pav had attacked her wristband with his kitchen scissors last week after she’d nearly drawn blood from snapping it during an appraisal at work.
‘Hey, hey, hey,’ he said gently, both of his hands now holding hers. ‘Don’t get yourself worked up, okay? If you don’t want me to meet your parents yet, that’s fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.’
Millie looked up at him. His eyes were earnest but there was still a hint of hurt in their depths. In relief she let out a breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding. At least she thought it was relief. For some reason there was some disappointment mingled in there too. She instinctively knew that Pav meeting her mother and father would be a disaster, but the urge to have him there was surprisingly strong. When she was with him she didn’t feel like the little girl who was a perpetual disappointment. She didn’t feel like she wasn’t enough. She felt … well, not exactly brave but braver.
But she’d dealt with her parents alone her entire life. One more night wasn’t going to make any difference.
*****
Pav pushed open the office door and was surprised to see just Don sitting in front of his computer, frowning down at the keyboard. He’d decided to try and talk Millie into letting him come tonight after all, and she never usually left before five.
‘Well, don’t just stand there,’ Don snapped once he registered Pav’s presence. ‘Come and sort this damn machine out from me. Bloody thing won’t let me in.’
‘Er …’ Pav’s eyes flicked over to Millie’s empty chair. ‘Well, you kind of need your passwords.’
Don grunted in annoyance.
‘Millie deals with all of this nonsense,’ he mumbled. ‘Bugger, I’ll have to leave the rest till Monday.’ Pav had long since realised that without Millie, Don would not have been able to carry on working. The two of them had a perfect symbiotic relationship – Don’s affability and charm with Millie’s know-how and work ethic. ‘Blast. Thought I could be useful for once.’
