She turned to look at Pav. His scowl from earlier had been replaced by concern. The last thing Millie needed now was Pav’s pity.
Over the week since the engagement party, Millie had done a very effective job of avoiding him. After she’d run away that night, luck had been on her side and she’d managed to jump straight into a black cab. By the time Pav had arrived at her house she’d double locked all the doors, turned off all the lights, and texted him to let him know she was home okay. She heard him knocking and calling her through her letterbox, saw the texts and missed calls on her phone, but decided that it was better if she ignored him. It was a coward’s way out, she was well aware of that. But Milliewasa coward. She was weak and spineless and she did not fit into Pav’s world. Better he found that out now. If she was honest she’d thought that would be the end of it. That he would move straight on to pastures new. But over the weekend he’d texted her and rung her so many times she lost count. At first the tone of the messages he sent was concerned and slightly apologetic for his family, for putting her in that position. But after a day of them being ignored they’d become less concerned and more annoyed.
I’m sorry xxx
Millie. Come on. Stop being stubborn xx
Talk to me. You’re being ridiculous x
I don’t deserve this
That last text had been five days ago and was the final one she’d received. He’d tried to approach her twice at work, but luckily she’d had an excuse each time to get away. In the urology MDT, he’d glowered at her throughout the whole meeting and tried to block her exit at the end, but Barney, the head of her department, had come with her (since the disastrous MDT a couple of weeks ago they’d tightened up on her going to meetings alone) and when Pav tried to get in their way as they were leaving, Barney had propelled Millie out of the room in a rare show of protectiveness. And then she thought she’d caught him giving Pav a decidedly smug look as they passed him, which was … weird.
For the last two days Pav had given up trying to talk to her. When she snuck down to the cafeteria for a coffee to take back to her office yesterday, it was just her luck that he was there having a late lunch with the theatre team; his list must have overrun. She thought he was going to try and approach her again but he just spared her a quick scowl, rolled his eyes and went back to joking around with the rest of the table. Although she’d breathed a sigh of relief, her chest ached for the rest of the day. So much so that when she’d finished all the reporting for the whole department late that night, she’d found herself picking up her phone, pulling up his messages, and her fingers hovering over the screen to reply.
She’d just typed inI’m sorwhen an image of his mama’s face, complete with disgusted expression, flew into her brain, followed swiftly by that of Pav’s hurt face after she’d flinched away from him. It was no use – and if she was suffering this much heartache after such a short time with him she dreaded to think what she’d be like if she stayed with him any longer. She had limits; better she learn to live within them and stay sane with her heart intact.
‘I … What are you doing here?’ Millie said, staring down at her phone again. She heard him huff out a frustrated breath as he angled his body towards hers.
‘Millie,’ he said in a warning tone, ‘I want to know who that was you were talking to.’
‘Uh … ’
‘Millie, I’m not leaving until you –’
‘My mother.’
Chapter 20
‘When … when do we do that again?’
‘What?’ She chanced a look at Pav. His eyes were wide with surprise and his mouth had fallen open. ‘Why – ?’
Millie jumped up from the sofa in a sudden movement and rounded the coffee table to the other side. He was too close. The smell of the washing powder from his clothes, mixed with his own more woodsy but clean scent, was too much at that close range. The couple of glances she’d allowed herself of him were enough to add to the brain scramble: his dark hair, slightly ruffled and just a week or so past needing a haircut; one of those T-shirts that pulled tight across his chest; dark stubble, a testament to his ‘no shaving unless I have to go to the private hospital’ rule – he looked like a scruffyGQmodel. He was almost too beautiful to be real.
‘What are you doing here?’ she asked again, forcing herself to make eye contact because,seriously, she needed to know why. Why was he doing this? What possible interest could she hold for him?
The concerned expression was replaced again by one of annoyance as he gritted his teeth.
‘Jamie told me you’d be here, okay? I have a key anyway so I can take this beast out on my days off, and I thought, seeing as you have to be here if you’re looking after Rosie, that you might talk to me.’ His hard voice, softened. ‘I deserve some sort of explanation, Millie. You can’t just shut me out of your life and expect me to accept it. That’s not how relationships work.’
Millie bit her lip and looked away. Her distinct lack of even friendships was a testament to the fact that she had no idea how relationships worked, but the fact that Pav felt the need to explain that to her felt humiliating. She owed him something.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said finally after a full minute of silence. ‘I just don’t think we suit each other and … I … ’ She shrugged helplessly. ‘Look, Pav, your family were nothing but nice to me and I snubbed them. I clammed up and I hurt their feelings. You should be with someone like you, someone that lights up a room, who can cope with meeting a perfectly nice family for the first time without becoming a mute freak.’
When she glanced back up at him the annoyance in his expression had morphed into a soft, slightly frustrated look.
He sighed. ‘You’re not a freak.’
A huff of air left Millie as she rolled her eyes to the ceiling and then back at the big man sitting on the sofa. ‘I go silent when I’m stressed. I can’t cope with people I don’t know touching me. I pass out from panic attacks. I … ’ She paused and then rolled back her sleeves. Her forearms were scattered with bruises from the stress she’d taken out on them over the last week. ‘I hurt myself to distract from my anxiety. That is weird, Pav. It’s freakish. I don’t know what you see in me and I –’ She broke off when she realised Pav was no longer sitting on the sofa; he was right in front of her and he’d taken her hands in his.
‘Jesus,’ he muttered as he pushed her sleeves up further and lifted her arms up, tilting them to one side, then the other. ‘Baby, this is way worse than before. What have you been doing to yourself?’
Millie frowned. They were getting off topic and she wanted to go back to the point. ‘I –’
‘I knew I should havemadeyou see me earlier. Bloody hell. I’m such a thin-skinned selfish arsehole.’
‘For goodness’ sake,’ Millie said, tugging on her arms, but Pav held onto them in a gentle but firm grip. ‘What are you on about?’
