Millie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. ‘That was different. I didn’thaveto make a good impression on anyone at the bar, and I was with just you at the pub. You don’t understand how this works … howIwork.’
Pav sighed and lifted one of his hands off her arm to run it through his thick hair.
‘Maybe this was a bad idea,’ he muttered. Millie felt the strange combination of bitter disappointment that she’d let him down and relief that he knew this was a step too far for her. ‘Okay, look, I’ve just got to tell Mama I’m leaving, then –’
‘No,’ Millie shot out, ‘please,no. You stay.’
‘Millie, I’m not leaving without you. I brought you here. I’m taking you home.’
The irritation and impatience was clear in his voice now, and she felt her heart sink into her stupid designer shoes. But she knew him well enough after these last few weeks to see the stubborn set of his jaw as a sign that he wasn’t backing down. So she sighed and gave a quick nod.
‘Wait here,’ he said. ‘I’ll just be a minute.’
Once Pav was pushing back through the crowd and Millie was on her own, she noticed the people around her staring. There was nowhere she could look without catching someone’s eye. The worst thing was that they all gave her encouraging smiles, which she did a poor job of returning. She edged along the bar until she was at the back wall, and then slipped through the exit into the deserted corridor.
Finally alone, she leaned back against the wall and let out a long breath, her head falling back onto the plasterboard with a soft thump. After a few seconds she heard a loud sniff and her eyes flew open. She scanned the empty corridor for a long minute before movement in the coat rack caught her eye. There were two large racks of coats pushed up against the wall. And some of the coats on one of them were shaking slightly. Millie’s head tilted to the side as she approached them. Another muffled sniff came from their direction and she narrowed her eyes. Before she knew what she was doing, she’d pushed her hands into the coats to part them, and was confronted by a tear-stained woman sitting on the floor behind.
‘Uh … hi,’ Millie muttered, too shocked for her vocal cords to seize up. She recognised the woman as the bride to be: Pav’s sister, Allegra.
‘Hi,’ Allegra muttered miserably, and Millie wondered what she should do. If it were her sitting there she would want the coats drawn back and to be left in peace. But should a tearful nearly-newlywed be left alone to cry it out? As a compromise Millie pushed through the coats herself, sat next to Allegra and pulled them back into place behind her. They sat in silence for a few seconds. Millie thought about asking Allegra if she was okay, but as the answer to that was obvious she decided against it.
‘You’re Pav’s girlfriend,’ Allegra said in a shaky voice.
‘Uh … not really,’ Millie admitted. It wasn’t as though she and Pav had formalised their relationship. And, having never had a boyfriend, Millie didn’t really feel qualified to answer. In any case Allegra seemed to be grappling with bigger problems than the official status of Millie and Pav’s relationship.
‘I … I …’ she gasped, her chest rising and falling rapidly, ‘I can’t … breath. I feel sick.’ Millie turned to face her and watched the colour drain out her face as panic washed over her features. Her breathing was getting faster and faster, her eyes looking a little wild.
‘You’re having a panic attack,’ she told her.
‘But … I feel like I’m … like I’m dying.’
‘You’re hyperventilating. Your alveolar ventilation is excessive and too much carbon dioxide is being removed from your blood. This causes hypocapnia, and a respiratory alkalosis, which produces certain symptoms: dizziness, tingling in the hands and feet, sometimes even loss of consciousness.’
‘You … you’re a bit weird,’ Allegra managed to get out.
‘Yes,’ Millie told her. ‘But … I’m also right. So, slow your breathing down. Not deep breaths, just slower. And use this.’ Millie dug into her purse and pulled out the paper bag she kept in there for emergencies. ‘Create a seal around your mouth and breath into it, slowly.’
After a minute with the paper bag Allegra’s breathing steadied to a normal pace and the panic left her eyes. Millie slowly reached up and took the bag away.
‘Woah,’ Allegra said in a hoarse voice. ‘That was insane. I’ve never felt like that before.’
‘Panic attacks are not fun,’ Millie told her, stashing the bag away.
‘How’d you know so much about them? Are you a doc like Pav?’
‘Yes, but I knew how to deal with a panic attack way before I studied medicine. I have them all the time.’
‘You do? Well that … sucks.’
‘Yes.’ Millie sat back against the wall alongside her new companion. They sat together for another minute.
‘Aren’t you going to ask me what I’m panicking about?’ Allegra eventually asked. ‘Actually, don’t worry. You’ll think I’m being silly.’
‘I once had a full-blown panic attack over a Pot Noodle. I can’t think of a sillier reason than that. Didn’t make it any more fun though.’
‘Uh …’ Allegra let out a snort of laughter. ‘Sorry, sorry,’ she rushed to say after, ‘it’s just I’ve always thought Pot Noodles were fairly unthreatening foodstuffs.’
Millie smiled, the relief of being shielded from the party making her facial muscles loosen up again. ‘I read the ingredients. It contains monosodium glutamate, which can poison the nervous system. I was convinced my nerves were de-myelinating. They weren’t.’
