‘How about … ’ Libby trailed off and looked up at the ceiling, biting her lip.
‘I’ve got it!’ Kira shouted, and Millie flinched in her seat. ‘Babe, you’re going to have to get used to my voice. I’m loud. And obnoxious. It’s my thing.’ Millie had never been calledbabeby anyone. But if she was honest it was a vast improvement on Dr M.
Libby rolled her eyes. ‘Only you would couch “loud” and “obnoxious” as qualities to be proud of, Ki-Ki.’
‘Give me a chance, Sugartits.’ Compared to Sugartits, Millie considered thatbabewasn’t too bad at all. ‘I’m talking about the book group.’
‘Uh … wh – ?’ Libby started, and Kira shot her an annoyed look and gave her shin a subtle kick.
‘Ourbook group, remember?’
‘Er …’ Another kick. ‘Oh! Yes, of course. Perfect!’
‘Millie wuvs books, don’t cha?’ Rosie rather unhelpfully put in, and Millie clenched her teeth. Why did she have to tell this kid so much? She knew Rosie was gifted but she seemed to have the memory of an elephant.
‘I …’
‘That’s settled then,’ Kira cut her off.
‘Wh-what?’
‘I’ll come get you,’ Libby told her. ‘The next one’s at … er … my house on Tuesday.’ Silence, and then Libby’s hand landed on Millie’s shoulder and gave her a gentle squeeze. ‘It’s a small group,’ she added in a soft voice.
‘I …’
‘Right, come on, short stuff,’ Kira said, grabbing Rosie’s hand. ‘We’ve got to drop you off with the big guy so Mummy can help me get wasted. Hey, there’s a salutation to the moon we could go to on the way home.’
‘Kira, it’s below freezing.’
‘So what?’
‘We are not taking Rosie to break into Burgess Park and dance around with a load of middle-aged naked ladies.’
Kira let out a huff as the threesome made it to the door. ‘Mummy is soboring, squirt.’ They continued bickering as they turned into the corridor. Rosie shouted out a quick bye and gave Millie a small wave as the others said ‘See you next week, Dr M.,’ and ‘Later, Millie.’ Millie watched them go from her chair with her mouth hanging open.
When had she agreed to join a book group? She blinked a couple of times. A vague feeling of being the victim of a hit-and-run swept over her.
After clenching her hands into fists and starting back on the reporting, she had herself back in control. She would just put them off. Then she would go back to hiding in plain sight. Nothing would change.
She frowned as she started typing the first report. Why did that fact not bring her relief? Why did it just make her feel even more empty inside?
Chapter 10
I think I love you, uptight lady
Millie subtly tucked the five-page book report she’d typed up the night before into her Mulberry handbag, which she manoeuvred under her feet. She rested her hands on her lap and fought to stop them from clenching into fists. Eleanor, who was sitting on a squashy chair opposite, gave her an encouraging smile and she tried to relax her shoulders. Something furry bumped her hand and then a huge, ugly dog’s head came to rest in her lap. The animal smelt, she had droopy eyes, an inordinate amount of thick fur, and she seemed produce enough drool to fill a small pond. Millie lifted a hand tentatively and stroked the large head, which was surprisingly silky. The animal didn’t exactly fit in with the clean modern lines of Jamie and Libby’s spacious semi in Wimbledon, but she seemed more than at home there.
‘Oh God,’ said Libby, moving from the kitchen to shoo the dog away. ‘I’m sorry, Millie. I know she’s gross. However much shampoo we use on her she still smells like a dead badger. Beauty! Comehere.’ She hauled on Beauty’s collar but the massive beast stayed put. She looked straight at Millie and almost seemed to roll her eyes as she continued to ignore the lady of the house.
‘Please,’ Millie said, both of her hands now settling on the dog’s head and into the ruff at her neck. ‘It’s nice … I … let her stay where she is.’ Millie had never had a pet. She couldn’t say if she was a dog person or not. All she knew was that she now felt less overwhelmed with her hands buried in this one’s smelly fur than she had a moment ago.
Book group, it turned out, did not actually entail discussingbooks. Or at least most of the conversation had yet to veer anywhere near literature. There was a lot of wine involved (of which Millie had taken a glass, as she thought it might help her fit in), a fair amount of chocolate (this was something Millie did like, love even, but she was too nervous to eat), and an incredible amount of chat.
The group included Kira, Libby, Amy (Libby’s sister-in-law), Tara and Claire (both strippers who worked with Libby). Eleanor had come with Millie for moral support. Millie had gone to her in a flat panic that afternoon. She had no idea what you wore to a book group. Casual was not easy for her. Eleanor (who, over the last few weeks, had insisted that Millie call her El) had for some reason been thrilled that Millie was going to a book group. She wasn’t quite as excited as she had been about the wedding, but then again she had been pretty disappointed to hear that Millie had only gone to the service and not the reception.
So when El had smiled at Millie and given her hand a squeeze after she’d found the perfect jeans-and-sloppy-jumper combo for the book group, Millie had found herself blurting, ‘Will you come with me tonight?’ As soon as the words were out she’d regretted them. El’s eyes had gone wide and she’d been speechless for endless seconds. ‘I mean,’ Millie had put in to fill the silence, ‘if you like books and … look, don’t worry. I –’
‘OfcourseI’ll come with you,’ El surprised her by saying, her face breaking into another wide smile. ‘I haven’t got a book group. I’d love to be part of one.’
