For the first time since the accident, sureness settled over me.
Ryan wanted me to experience life the way he thought that I needed, but that wasn't his decision to make. And I didn't belong in an apartment by myself. I belonged in his bed, wrapped around him like a goddamn Snuggie.
“Can I take this?” I asked, lifting the book.
“Well, I certainly don't want it,” Melissa chuckled.
Laughing, I stood, kissed the top of her head and turned to leave.
At the doorway into the hall, though, I paused and turned to look back at her.
“Thank you,” I said. “For everything.”
With that, I left my old life behind, ready to fight for the one I truly wanted.
TWENTY-TWO
Ryan
Kamran hadn't called me or texted me once. Since I was trying to give him space, I had to get updates about what he was up to from Dave and Ollie. And that came with comments like‘what the hell are you doing?’ and‘why are you torturing yourself?’ and the worst of all,‘he misses you. Just call him, you asshole.’
He was moving into his new place today. He got the guys to help him and excluded me. Dave told me after he left and I could hear in his voice that he thought this was my doing.
It was, but still, I had to do it.
Kamran had been right about his comment at the hotel. He’d said I wanted him to prove he wanted me. At the time I’d argued but as our separation went on, I knew it was true. Itwouldbe better for him to be single for a bit, but that wasn’t my only reason for doing it.
The problem was that I wasn’t sure what it would take for that insecure part in the back of my brain to accept that he loved me too.
I was sitting in my office, absently watching some strength building exercises on YouTube to try to distract myself when I looked up to see his car pull to a stop outside the window.
Without thinking, I jumped to my feet.
The first thing I thought wasfinally.The second thing I thought was,no, it hasn't been long enough. It takes longer than a month to discoveryourself.
And he might not even be here to get back together. As far as I knew, he was here to give me a sweater back and tell me he was moving to Maui, or something.
I pushed to my feet, heart racing with nerves and made it to the front door, opening it just as Kamran lifted his hand to knock. He froze, looking at me.
As usual, he looked good. Clean-shaven and neat, just how he looked straight out of the shower.
I pushed away the onslaught of memories and leaned against the doorframe, trying to act normal.
“Hey Kamran,” I said, somehow inflecting casualness into my voice. “What's up?”
His brows rose.
“What's up?” he repeated, lips quirking. “That'swhat you want to say to me after not seeing or speaking to each other for weeks?”
I felt my cheeks heating and shrugged self-consciously.
“What's that?” I asked, trying to change the subject and gesturing to thelarge book he held to his chest.
“Can I come in?” he asked.
Despite myself, I hesitated. How was I supposed to keep my hands to myself if we were alone in my house?
He looked so warm and welcoming and my arms itched to go around his narrow waist and pull him against me. I wanted his face to nestle into its usual spot against my neck where I could rest my head against his curls.
