I tried to swallow back the flood of emotions and stepped forward, giving her a hug when I failed.
“I'll still be your brother,” I insisted. “And Melissa's friend, if she's willing to have that with me.”
When I pulled back, Michelle smiled and I wondered if she could hear the unspoken words. That I couldn't be Melissa's lover anymore. That my heart and my home was already with someone else.
But when I stepped outside into the surprisingly sunny February day and pulled out my phone to finally call him after a long two days apart, Ryan didn’t answer.
A strange feeling settled over me as my call cut off mid ring and went straight to voicemail.
I tried again and for the second time, half way through the first ring, the call disconnected.
Had he blocked me? I didn’t understand. Hadn’t we been okay when he had left the other day? Hadn’t we hugged?
I wracked my brain, trying to remember if I had said something wrong, but I couldn’t think of anything. Surely heknewthat I loved him, that I wanted to be with him.
I didn’t even think about going home. I went straight to Ryan’s house, hoping desperately that there was amisunderstanding at play. That his phone was broken, that it was something,anything, other than what it seemed like.
He wasn’t there.
The house was empty and his car was gone.
For a moment, I sat there, unsure what to do next and then I remembered that it was Monday. First of all, I’d completely forgotten to contact work, so that was great. Second, Ryan had that school trip. He would be away until tomorrow.
That gave me a modicum of relief because at least he might just be busy.
Lifting my phone, I dialled Ollie’s number, tapping my hands on the wheel while I waited.
“Hey,” he said, answering after the second ring.
“Hey man, can you do me a favour and call Ryan and tell me if he answers? I think something’s wrong with his phone.”
“Huh? Yeah, sure.”
He hung up without saying goodbye. I waited anxiously, chewing my nail until I noticed I was doing it and stuck my hands forcefully back on the wheel, clutching it until the knuckles were white.
By the time my phone rang again, I had a bad feeling that I knew what the answer would be.
“Hello?”
“Hey, yeah, he answered. But I don’t recommend getting in touch, he’s in a bitchy mood. He practically bit my head off when I said you were looking for him.”
My heart was hammering against my ribs.
“But I don’t think I did anything,” I found myself arguing. “I—wewere okay last time we spoke.”
Ollie was silent for a minute.
“Maybe he needs some time.”
“Time?” I asked incredulously, because I knew what time meant. It meant he needed to think things over, to move on. “No. No way in hell. He can’t just…”
It felt like Melissa all over again. What the hell was with the people I was close to blanking me and pulling away when things were important?
“If he has a reason to avoid me, he at least has to tell mewhatit is!”
I’d allowed the situation with Melissa to go on for far too long. I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice. He couldn’t just distance himself without talking to me first.
Ryan was going to have to face me. Tonight.
