She shrugged.
“I noticed some things about you two... Of course, I had hoped that I was wrong so I thought I should test it out... to see if you really wanted to be intimate with me.”
“Oh.God.”
“Yeah,” she agreed. “Let's just say I got my answer pretty quickly.”
I couldn't even begin to form words. I had no clue what the hell had made her think me and Ryan were a thing, but clearly she had been ontosomethingbecause the moment he'd first kissed me and held me, I had been done for. I had wanted him more than anything. More than I had ever wantedher.
My thoughts were racing a mile a minute.
“I—I really didn't know,” I said and to my surprise, she reached out, resting her hand on my arm.
“Honestly, that's a relief,” she said. “The longer I waited, the harder it was... Then one day at work, Robert called me into his office to see if I was okay. He'd noticed how upset I had been and for some reason, I started to tell him everything that was going on.”
“And he thought, ‘oh perfect timing to move in’?” I demanded incredulously.
She shook her head.
“No. He was just really nice about it, to be honest,” she said, her chin tilting up defensively. “And then after that, he would check on me, ask for updates, and do little things to cheer me up...”
She shrugged helplessly.
“I started to think it would be nice, you know, to be with someone so attentive and?—”
She couldn't finish the story, and I was glad because I couldn't face what she was saying. That I had made her feel alone. I hadn't meant to. I hadn't known.
“But Kamran, we never crossed that line. He was waiting for me.”
“What?” I asked slowly, horror filling me.
“We spent time together but he was waiting until after you and I finally broke up but... I couldn't do it. I wanted to be there for you. To be patient and wait for you to tell me that you couldn't love me the way that you could love someone like Ryan.”
Her eyes filled with tears.
“I wasn't ready to move on. I kept trying to prolong our relationship Kamran. Even though I knew it wasn't what you wanted. I justcouldn'tface it, even after all this time. When Isaw you two together... it just all became so final. It was too much for me.”
I tried to force my mouth to move, too stunned to fully understand.
“Melissa, I'm so sorry.”
I leaned over her, hugging her, careful of her rib while tears poured down her cheeks and stung my eyes. Her small hands squeezed my back, clinging to me tightly.
“I felt so betrayed when I saw that damn message, Lissa and Ryan was the only person I could turn to and...”
I shut my eyes, pulling back far enough to see her face.
“For the record, you were right. I—I'm gay.”
Saying the words aloud to my wife made an unexpected calm fall over me. I could see it in her wide eyes too, an acceptance that settled into her gaze.
She nodded.
“I know,” she said simply and it was like all the weight lifted off my shoulders. I felt ten pounds lighter, like I was about to float away. Was this what it was like when people were free to be themselves?
“The irony is that it was only because I thought you were cheating that I gave this thing with Ryan a second thought,” I mused.
“And... is it going well?” she asked hesitantly.
