Kamran was sitting at my side, but he wasn't really there. His gaze was fixed somewhere far away and he was pale. He looked like he was going to be sick and for once, I couldn't think of anything to do or say to comfort him.
Normally, my touch was what he needed, but when I reached for the hands he had clasped in his lap, he didn't react. He didn’t take mine in his own the way he was supposed to.
I didn’t give up though and after a long time, he seemed to notice what I was doing in an absent sort of way and he unclasped his hands so that I could take one of them. I held onto it tightly but he didn't squeeze back. He was so far away.
“It wasn't your fault,” I tried to reason.
“Yes it was,” he said at once, his gaze still fixed elsewhere.
Then he frowned, lookingsoconfused that my heart ached.
“But Ryan,” he said, finally looking at me, turmoil in his lovely eyes. “She was cheating on me. She didn'twant meanymore… right?”
I didn't know what to say because the same questions were rolling around in my head.
The way Melissa had reacted wasn't right. It didn't add up with all the other info that I had—info thatKamranhad given me. He said that she was cheating on him more and more openly and that she had been pretty much avoiding him for weeks on end. But I hadn’t seen the messages that started all this. Why had she acted so betrayed by the sight of Kamran kissing me?
Understandably, it would be a shock to see your spouse kissing someone else, let alone their male best friend. But she hadknownthat Kamran was trying to end things. Why else had she not wanted to talk to him yet? Why had she been so hurt that she’d run into the middle of the road without even looking where she was going?
I didn’t doubt Kamran but something felt off.
“What exactly did that message say?” I asked gently. “The first one you read, that made you think she was cheating.”
Kamran looked like he was going to puke but he shook his head in confusion.
“It said,'When are you going to tell your husband about us? I'm tired of waiting.' He sounds like a bit of a dick if you ask me, but it was pretty clear, right? And that was before reading the other messages.”
“What were those ones like?”
“Less obvious, but setting up meetings after work hours. In one of them, he said if anyone asked, to blame him and say that she was working late. In another, he said he ‘really enjoyed her company and wanted to see her again soon’ and she had reacted to it with a heart. I mean, am I missing something?”
I shook my head, now equally mystified.
“No, no that's exactly what I would think too. I mean, what else could it mean?”
I squeezed his hand and for a moment, he squeezed back but then a doctor entered the waiting room we were sitting in, zeroing in on us, and Kamran dropped mine like a hot potato, practically jumping to his feet.
“Is she okay?” he demanded.
The doctor slowed to a stop in front of us and nodded, smiling.
“She'll be okay. We were able to set her leg bone and put her into a cast, and it doesn't look like she'll need surgery. She has one broken rib and bruising on her right side, but over all, she was very lucky.”
I let out a breath of relief and Kamran ran his hands through his hair, suddenly looking exhausted.
“Oh, thank god,” he sighed. “Thank you. Thank you so much. Can I see her?”
“Yes, she's asleep but you can sit with her.”
He turned to lead the way and for a moment, I didn't know if I should follow. Kamran went after the doctor without even looking back. But he probably thought I was right behind him, so I forced myself to hurry after him, aware that this really wasn'tthe time for me to be putting my own fears and needs on the table. He was in shock. We all were.
Trailing behind them, Kamran was in the room, taking a seat by the time I went inside and the doctor left to his other business.
Melissa was reclined in the bed, looking relatively peaceful in her morphine induced slumber, but there was something about seeing your friend laid out in a hospital bed with a drip into their arm that made them seem delicate and ill no matter how they were. Especially when you were partially responsible for her ending up there.
Sadness overwhelmed me looking at her. We were supposed to be there so that we could talk to her like adults, instead me and Kamran had acted like teenagers, unable to resist making out right where we would be caught.
Kamran braced his elbows on his knees, looking at her face in what could only be described as despair.
