“Uh. Yeah. Yeah, I did,” I managed to say.
Carl didn't take much notice of my obvious discomfort as he started to launch into his disappointment about plays that I didn't even remember because I'd been so damn distracted by Kamran pacing and having a breakdown… then the feeling of him in my arms, the way it made my heart break seeing him like that, the way I'd wanted to make it all disappear for him. The way he felt under me, kissing me, his cock against my palm, hot even through his jeans…
Heat traveled up my neck as everything came back in stark relief because I’d been drunk enough to do it, but not too drunk to remember it.
My body itched, blood rushing south in an attempt to give me another unwanted hard on, as it had been doing on and off since the incident. I was thankfully too panicked to go full mast,so instead it just ran through my veins on overdrive, making my heart race.
I tried to ignore it and somehow managed to respond at the right moments to whatever Carl was saying, then,thank God, practice was over, and it was time to send everyone home.
“Good practice,” I said to the kids.
I forgot to say goodbye to them or the parents who had come to watch and I didn't even notice until I was sitting in my car in the parking lot, hands braced on the wheel, trying to breathe.
Why had I done it? Why had I climbed on top of my best friend and made outwith him?
Now that I was alone, my cock promptly gave in and swelled, tightening my jeans to an uncomfortable degree.
I didn't touch itobviously. I was still at work for fucks sake. I was already losing my sanity over this. There was no need to lose my job over it too.
Hands shaking, I reached for the glove compartment and the phone I'd been trying to ignore.
Kamran hadn't messaged me once, and I didn't blame him.
I had woken up hung over and beating myself up on Monday morning. Kam probably thought I was an even bigger asshole than I felt. He wasmarriedand Melissa was my friend. I loved her like family. Or at least, I had thought I did, but not enough clearly, because I had donethat.
Or maybe it was just that I loved Kamran more than I loved her. I couldn’t exactly pretend otherwise, could I?
Nope. After years of keeping my feelings locked inside me where no one could see them, I’d accidentally let them seep through the cracks. I loved Kamran more than anything in this universe and by now I knew that nothing was ever going to change that.
I just hoped that Kamran didn’t know. That he blamed the beer. That he wouldn’t push me away the way I always feared he would if he found out.
When I finally looked at my phone, there were no new messages and no missed calls. I wanted Kamran to break the ice because I didn't think I could. I couldn't face him when I'd outed myself like that.
Kamran was more than my best friend. He was my everything.
When I was young and stupid, I'd continued to date woman just to make the act look convincing.
At one point, I'd really thought that getting with the complete opposite of what I wanted was the best way to distance myself from it, but there was no moving on from Kamran.
I'd accepted that and had never planned on crossing any lines. I'd never even wantedto. I didn't want to lose him.
Plus, he was fuckingmarried!
To a woman who was cheating on him, I reminded myself.
Taking a shaking breath, I opened up our last string of messages from Sunday. It ended with him asking me if I could pick up some beers on my way over. Now I wished that I hadn't. I wouldn't have ended up with my tongue down his throat if I hadn't been so drunk.
He sure as hell wouldn't haveletme do it, either. He was as straight as they came. I had always thought anyway, but being drunk and vulnerable could make someone accept a kiss or two, right?
With trembling hands, I typed out a message.
Hey
Message sent,I waited anxiously, unable to drive until I knew if he was going to answer or not.
Kamran never left me hanging long. Assuming nothing had changed, I'd get a reply soon.
My phone buzzed.
