“Uh huh,” he agreed, still eyeing me. “And too bad your lips feel so nice...”
I took a shuddering breath, my eyes flying around the bar to see if anyone was listening.
It was busy tonight. There was probably a line outside by now, but despite the crowd, no one was looking at us. It felt oddly intimate sitting here like we were alone.
After a moment, I spotted Ollie and Dave at a table, talking to some girls.
“I should get you home,” I said.
The moment I did, Kamran stiffened.
“No. Fuck. Please don't make me go home. I'mfine,” he whined.
I chuckled.
“Come on, we can grab pizza on the way.”
He groaned.
“Yes to pizza, I'm fucking starving, but no to home... I don't know if he’ll still be there.”
It was like being dunked in cold water. Whatever drop of alcohol there was clouding my system froze and then evaporated. I hadn't thought of Kamran's current reality. Thefact that he was scared to go home in case another man was there was hard to swallow, and it wasn't even my bed, or my spouse.
I looked at Kamran's sweet, open face. He was the type of guy that could be read like a large print book. Even though he was masculine in features and body, he looked soft and breakable. He made me want to hold him and protect him on the best of days and looking at him now, at the fear and unease on his face, all I could think was that he didn't fucking deserve this. And I was going to fix it.
“You're coming to my place,” I said firmly. “We're getting pizza and eating and then you're crashing with me, and in the morning, I'm going to help you figure out what comes next.”
He stared at me and then the tension seemed to seep out of his body.
He bowed his head, gaze on the table.
“That sounds good,” he said quietly, and my entire heart melted at the level of trust he had in me.
I pushed to my feet, helped Kamran to his with a hand gripping his arm, and then didn’t release him as I led him out of the bar.
The others didn't notice, and I didn't bother saying anything to them. I was like a dog with a bone.
All I wanted was to get Kamran home and make everything better for him. There wasn't much I could do to fix things for him when it came to his relationship, but I could do everything he needed from the sidelines as he navigated this ordeal.
There was a pizza place a block away and since it was still early, I led him down the street, knowing we'd miss the two AM crowd and wouldn't have to wait or eat on the sidewalk.
At twenty-nine, I was over the phase of closing out the club and struggling to get home by four in the morning anyway. We'd done enough of that in college.
Kamran was compliant, letting me lead him around and help to steady him. I had to catch him a couple times while we walked, but if he cared, he didn't say anything.
We were mostly quiet while we ate aside from when some young drunk guys ran by the window shouting and we both jumped and then laughed.
There were cabs waiting outside, so it didn't take long to get home. We were both quiet on the ride.
My house wasn't far, but I hadn't been expecting company. It was a bit of a shit hole at the moment but I forgot about that until I let Kamran in.
“It's a bit messy,” I muttered, but Kamran didn't seem to hear me.
He walked inside, all the way into the middle of the living room and then stopped, turning around to face me.
Neither of us had remembered to hit the light switch, so we stood in the dark, watching each other, surrounded by shadows and streaks of light from the streetlight outside.
“Are you going to kiss me again?” Kamran finally asked.
