She looked slightly disappointed. Good. She didn't need to know the truth. Not that I was embarrassed.I'm sharing a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream with my brother. Leave me the fuck alone.
She slowly put the magazine into the bag. "Your girlfriend must be fun."
Was this chick seriously still going to hit on me after my weird purchases? "Nope. My brother and I just like to jerk off togetherand eat ice cream. Thanks." I grabbed my card and the bag she handed me.
"Oh," she said and laughed awkwardly.
"Have a good evening." I walked out of the store a little more cheerily and made my way back to my room. When I opened the door, James was laughing. I glanced at the T.V. He had found Wedding Crashers. We had watched the movie a million times together. I laughed and sat down next to him on the bed. "I love this movie."
"Me too. Do you think someone will try to crash my wedding?"
I laughed. "I think a ton of people are going to try to crash your wedding. It's the wedding of the season."
He smiled. "How did that happen?"
"Everyone loves you and Penny. That's how that happened."
He ran his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry if I scared Daphne away. I wasn't feeling well and..."
"Don't worry about her."She's the fucking worst."I got you a couple things." I tossed the bag on his lap.
He laughed when he pulled out the dirty magazine. "Seriously?"
"Seriously. You need to unwind."
He laughed again. "Yeah, maybe. I don't really think I need this for that though. You could just give me my phone. I have tons of naughty pictures of Penny on there."
"Seriously? I promise not to look at that."
"I'll kill you if you look at them."
"I won't." I really hoped I could keep my word on that. Picturing her was one thing. Actually seeing her naked wasn't a good idea. "I'm going to let you talk to her in the morning. Mason has your phone right now, so I can't help you there."
"Thanks. I really do miss her."
"I know. Which is why I got you this." I pulled out the ice cream.
He smiled. "I am glad you and Penny are close. I don't know what I'd do if you two didn't get along." He popped off the top and grabbed one of the spoons. "This is one of the best parts," he gestured to the screen as Vince Vaughn started one of his long hilarious monologues.
I laughed and realized James wasn't laughing with me. I looked over at him. He had fallen asleep. I remembered seeing him like this sometimes growing up. He was always so stressed out, but when he was asleep he looked so calm.
How could he think he wasn't a good brother? Had I somehow made him feel that way? It hurt me that he thought that. James had protected me my whole life. He gave into Mom and Dad's demands so that I wouldn't have to. He gave up his life so that I wouldn't have to. He wasn't a bad brother. I was.
And that's why I took care of him when he was like this. That's why I was the only one that didn't abandon him when he got so depressed that he fell off the wagon in college. That's why I wouldn't let some fucking girl tell me anything about his problems. I knew his problems because I had caused them. He was depressed because of what my parents did to him. He took all the pressure off of me. And yet he was always there for me. He came to every single one of my soccer and baseball games growing up. He helped me with my homework. He bailed me out of jail. He was always there when I needed him. I owed him everything.
Yet I wasn't the one who cured him. Penny fixed him, not me. Or maybe becoming a professor and leaving New York. I wasn't sure. But one thing was certain; I had failed him. Especially when I was younger. He sacrificed so much for me. And I just let him. No one should ever be judging him. They should be judging me.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. "James, I'm so sorry."
***
I woke up laying next to him in bed. I wasn't sure where Mason and Matt were. But I had made a promise to James and I wanted to keep it. I pushed his shoulder. "Get up."
He groaned in his sleep.
"Do you want to talk to Penny or not?"
His eyes flew open. "Do you have my phone?"
