James shook his head. It looked like he wanted to talk, or at least like he needed to. But he didn't say anything.
"You can tell me you know."
"I'm just...I feel like I can't give her enough. I'm not enough."
"What are you talking about? Penny loves you. Are you getting cold feet? Is that what this is?"
"No." He pressed his lips together. "No," he said again. "I want to marry her. That's all I want."
"Then what's wrong?"
"I just told you. I'm not enough."
"Not enough what?"
"I can't give her what she wants."
"What are you talking about? You've given her everything she could have possibly dreamed of. It's like a fucking Disney story."
"Not that stuff. She's never cared about my money. It's one of the reasons I fell in love with her in the first place."
I didn't say anything. I knew that. I knew how important it was for James to separate his personal relationships from money. My mother had ingrained in our heads this fucked up idea that no one would ever love us for any reason besides for our net worth. Probably because that was why my parents got married. But it was all bullshit. Just because she was cold and heartless didn't mean all women were. Maybe James was more jaded than me though, because he had been forced to marry the troll, Isabella. I couldn't even imagine what it must have felt like to live that lie.
James shook his head. "She wants a family."
"And she's getting one. I'm the best brother ever."
James laughed. "And she loves you, you know that. But Mom and Dad refuse to get to know her. They're not even coming to the wedding. She keeps telling me that it's okay. That you and Jen and our friends are enough. That they're all the family she needs. But I can see it in her eyes. She's hurt that they won't come, that they won't even try to get to know her. And I can't do anything about it. I can't fix it. It kills me that I can't fix it."
I didn't really know what to say. I hadn't realized how upset he was about our parents not coming to his wedding. It was fucked up, but I thought that he had stopped caring about their opinion when he filed to divorce Isabella.
"And Penny's fucking best friend has chosen now of all times to fight with her. She's not even speaking to her, and she's her maid of honor. Who the fuck does that? And it kills me that I'm not with her right now, because I know that she needs me. I'm supposed to be her rock. I'm not supposed to just disappear without saying goodbye. Especially now. She told me that she wasn't good at handling change. And I just kept adding fuel to the flame. I forced her to take my internship. And I bought that new apartment without asking her. She was right, it was too much change all at once. It stressed her out. I don't know why I kept pushing things. I just wanted to start our lives together." He paused and took a breath.
I had never heard him ramble like this.
"We're getting married. She's going to be my wife. I have to protect her. I have to be there for her. She wants to have kids. Did you know that? I can't have kids. I'm just going to screwthem up like our parents screwed us up. Fuck." He ran his hand through his hair and looked back down at the floor.
He wasn't suffering from withdrawal. He wasn't getting cold feet. He was just stressed out. Really stressed out. And the funniest thing about that was that we were here for his bachelor party. He was the one that was supposed to be relaxing. I knew my brother really well. And despite what he might say, he definitely needed a hug right now.
I put my arms around him before he could even tell what was going on. I didn't even care how unmanly it was. Sometimes guys just needed a bro hug.
The elevator doors opened.
"Oh, excuse me," some guy said. "I'll just wait for the next one." He stepped back and looked the other way as the doors closed again.
I laughed and patted James' back. "That guy totally thought we were a gay couple."
James laughed. One of his real laughs, not the fake ones that I knew so well. I was pretty sure it was the first time he had really laughed since we had kidnapped him for this trip. And it was contagious. I started laughing too.
I released him from my hug. "You're just stressed out, man. Penny doesn't care about all the noise. She just cares about you."
James shook his head. "I know. But we're not married yet. I still have time to lose her."
My big brother always gave off the vibe that he was as tough as nails. But he was actually a big softy. "You're not going to lose her. Trust me, if she was going to leave you, she would have done it already."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"You're stubborn, obsessive, controlling, hot-tempered, possessive, jealous, egotistical, and you're probably extremely selfish in bed. She already knows all that and she's decided to stick around anyway."
