I wasn’t. I hadn’t been thinking clearly all week. Not since Matt kissed me.
“Not only that, but that boyfriend of yours was the one that told me 1 o’clock. He was the one that confirmed you wouldn’t be drinking. He looked me in the eye and made those promises. I didn’t even ask him to.” He shook his head.
I thought about how Felix had pressured me to drink. How he hadn’t mentioned the time at all. I didn’t have a defense. I gave in to him. And I lost track of time when I was hiding in Matt’s closet. But I couldn’t tell my uncle any of that.
“He’s clearly a bad influence like Kennedy said. I don’t want you to see him anymore. End of discussion.”
I wiped away the tears beneath my eyes. “What? You can’t forbid me from seeing him.”
“Actually I can. And I just did. I gave him a chance despite my reservations. I gave him a chance for you. Because I believed thatyou had good judgment. But he failed. And so did you. You will not be seeing him anymore.”
“This wasn’t his fault.” I stepped forward and realized my uncle was right. My body swayed and I had to place my hand on the wall to steady myself. I was drunk. I was such a freaking idiot.
“You’re right.”
What?“I am?”
He coughed into his hand and cleared his throat. “It wasn’t his fault. It was mine. I’ve been too lenient with you. You’re grounded, Brooklyn. For one week.”
“You can’t ground me. You’re not my mom.” And my mother had never grounded me. I’d never given her a reason to. I didn’t even know what being grounded entailed, but I assumed I wouldn’t like it.
“I know, Brooklyn. I’m not your mom. I’m your uncle who took you in when you had no one else! I’m giving up everything for you. And if all I can do is teach you to make good on a promise, then so be it. I’ll do whatever it takes. Now you’re grounded for one month. Go to your room.”
“I hate it here.”
“I already know that. You’ve made that abundantly clear. I put a roof over your head. I sent you to the most prestigious school in the city. I’ve done everything to make this as easy for you as possible. And you hate it anyway! So I might as well give you a reason to actually hate it. You’re grounded for the rest ofthe semester. Now go to your room before I ground you for the rest of your life.” He sighed and turned away from me, like he couldn’t even look at me anymore.
I needed air. I was used to being able to step outside to breathe. To clear my head. When my mom was sick I used to go on walks around the hospital. I’d get all my tears out and go back to her hospital room with all the optimism I needed for her. To show her I wasn’t scared. To show her I believed in miracles. One that could save her. God, I had so blindly believed in miracles. I’d clung to hope like an idiot.
I slammed my bedroom door closed, gasping for air as the memories collided with my reality. I flung open the window and climbed out onto the fire escape. I gasped for air as I climbed out. But all the air did was make me cry harder. I sat down on the cold metal and let myself cry. Cry for my loss. Cry for my mistakes. Cry about everything my uncle said. He was right. I was ungrateful. But how could I be grateful in such a cruel world? A world that took my mom away. A world where I was allowed to talk to assholes like Matt but not sweet guys like Felix.
I gasped for breath, my lungs finally expanding and collapsing properly. I’d only been out on the fire escape once before, when I’d first moved here. I climbed out hoping to see the stars in the sky. I had this stupid thought that if I could see the stars that I could pretend that I was looking at them from my home back in Delaware instead of here. That seeing them would make me feel like I wasn't so far away from my mom.
But there were no stars in the city sky. I let my tears fall. And there were no miracles.
Untouchable - Chapter 20
Monday
I started running on the track before Felix had a chance to catch up to me. I’d had the rest of the weekend to think about what had happened Saturday night. Being home 15 minutes late shouldn’t have mattered that much. And literally everyone at that party was drinking, if not worse. I thought about the smoke swirling in Mason’s face. And the drugs James had bought. My uncle was being completely unreasonable. Being grounded for a week was one thing. But the whole semester? Screw him. I picked up my pace.
And I didn’t know what to say to Felix. I wasn’t allowed to see him anymore - not even at school. My uncle worked here. He’d know. And honestly? I didn’t want to talk to Felix right now anyway. Because this mess was his fault too. He’d pressured me to drink. He’d ignored the time just like I had. Yesterday I’d spent the entire day staring at the ceiling of my room as the focus of my anger oscillated between Felix and my uncle.
“Wait up!” Felix called behind me.
I knew I couldn’t outrun him on the track forever. His legs were longer than mine. And despite his laissez-faire attitude, he’d been lowering his mile time too. I didn’t want to have to tell him I couldn’t see him anymore. But I also didn’t want to have to tell him that I’d kissed Matt. Telling him I had to stop seeing him at least saved me from that awkward conversation. And waiting wouldn’t solve anything. My uncle wouldn’t change his mind. I wasn’t even sure he’d ever speak to me again. So I stopped right in the middle of the track and turned to face Felix.
He caught up to me. “What’s wrong?” He was out of breath from his sprint behind me.
I watched the rise and fall of his chest. His kind smile. The way he pushed his hair off his forehead before it could stick from sweat.
I didn’t want to stop seeing him. This wasn’t fair. But I knew life wasn’t fair. It just felt like I’d already been punished enough. I’d already lost enough. “I was home 15 minutes late on Saturday. And my uncle could tell I’d been drinking. I’m grounded for the rest of the semester.”
“That’s a little…extreme isn’t it?”
“It’s not even the worst part. He also forbid me from seeing you.”
Felix laughed, but when I didn’t join in, his smile fell. “He forbade you from seeing me? Are you serious?”
