“Is he like in the CIA or something?” Felix asked.
Kennedy didn’t respond as we turned down a dingy side street. Well, not just any dingy side street. The street my apartment was on.
They were waiting. Waiting for me. Felix thought he was about to have dinner with a CIA agent and a girl who had never been kissed. I took a deep breath. “Kennedy, could you give us a minute?”
“Yeah.” She smiled reassuringly at me. “But just a quick one. I’ll meet you guys at Uncle Jim’s. I want to change real quick anyway.”
There was no such thing as a quick minute. A minute was 60 seconds no matter how you looked at it. And probably 80 heartbeats. Scratch that. My heart was beating at twice that rate.
Kennedy walked out in front of us and I stopped Felix, pulling him out of the way of the passersby.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked and grabbed my hand. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
I shook my head. I needed to tell him what I’d just done. I couldn’t risk introducing him to my uncle and letting him in on my secret if he had no intention of forgiving me for Matt practically assaulting me.He didn’t assault you.“I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.”
“Hey.” Felix moved a fraction of an inch closer. “What’s wrong?”
I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat.
“I know this is kinda awkward,” he said and discreetly nodded toward Kennedy. “But she put us in a position where we couldn’t exactly say no. And it’s fine. After I get your uncle to like me, I’ll be able to take you out just the two of us. No three amigas bullshit.”
He thought I was being weird about Kennedy. I wasn’t even able to process how awkward her overly enthusiastic third-wheeling was because I was stuck in my own threesome from hell. One that included Matt and his stupidly kissable lips.
“Really, it’s okay.” Felix squeezed my hand. “Let’s just have a fun night. I’m excited to meet your uncle and see your home.”
Home.For the first time the thought was comforting. And I realized that my uncle’s apartment was quickly becoming my home. It was the first thing I’d thought of.
A part of me felt like a traitor. Like believing this was my home was somehow forgetting about my mom and my real home backin Delaware. The one with the foreclosure signs in the windows. The one with the yellow kitchen and the memories of dancing. Laughing. Not being sick.
“I live in a 500 square foot apartment.” I said it more to convince myself it wasn’t a home. Not Felix. But it was a double-edged sword. It made me feel guilty for making it seem like I didn’t love that my uncle had given me a place to call home now. And I think a part of me was hoping it would make Felix leave. As much as he said he didn’t fit into the world of Empire High, he did. I’d seen his fancy apartment. I’d seen how different we were. And it would be a hell of a lot easier if Felix decided to leave now rather than me telling him that I’d kissed Matt and him leaving because of that.
“Is that what this is about? Brooklyn, I don’t care where you live.”
That. That right there was why my first kiss should have been with him. Because he was kind and caring. And he didn’t make me feel small. He didn’t hide me away in a dark auditorium and leave unsigned notes in my locker. He wasn’t ashamed of me. I was the one acting ashamed of myself.
“I really like you,” he said.
“I really like you too.”
He smiled. “So let me see this awesome 500 square foot apartment.”
I laughed. “Okay.” He turned to start walking again, but I stopped him. “There’s one more thing. Well, two more things.”I focused on the fact that his hand felt comforting in mine for a second. “Can you keep a secret?”
“Don’t tell me I really am related to you,” he said with a laugh.
“No. Nothing like that.” I really wished I’d never told him I was worried he was my brother. I wasn’t sure the teasing would ever end. I swallowed hard, trying to figure out how to word what I needed to say. “I’m not a scholarship student.” God, that felt good to say. “And my uncle isn’t in the CIA. His name is Jim Sanders.” I waited a beat, hoping that Felix would just figure it out on his own. I’d heard a few faculty members at school call my uncle Mr. Sanders before. But Felix didn’t react. “The only reason I go to Empire High is because my uncle is a janitor there.”
Felix laughed. But he quickly stopped when he saw I wasn’t laughing. “Oh.” He cleared his throat. Finally the realization hit him. “Janitor Jimbo is your uncle?”
“What?”
“Janitor Jimbo. The one with the big beer belly?”
I pulled my hand out of his. “Don’t call him that.”
“I didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just what everyone calls him.”
“I’ve never heard anyone call him that.”
