“I didn’t say that. I told you, I have work tonight.” But I knew I was smiling back at him. This was only the second time he’dbrought up his party to me. I hadn’t stopped thinking about it though. And it wasn’t just because back home I never had enough time to go to one. Back home no one had ever technically asked me either.
“And I told you that the party will be going till the wee hours of the morning.”
I laughed even though all I wanted to know was the exact end time. “You didn’t answer my first question.” I was starting to think it was just going to be a bunch of other drug dealers. Or drug mules. Or even more sinister individuals.
“If you’re worried about Isabella, don’t be. I doubt she’d come to a party at my house.”
“And why is that?”
“Haven’t you figured it out yet?” He got a little closer to me. “I’m not one of them,” he whispered and then nodded to the other students in our gym class in the adjacent field playing frisbee golf.
“Not good at frisbee? Tell me about it. Whenever I throw a frisbee it ends up nowhere near where I intended. There’s a reason why I chose running today.” Even though I chose it every day.
“No, newb. I’m not one of them because I’m not a legacy student. I’m not old wealth. Neither of my parents went here like lots of theirs did. Scholarship students aren’t the only outcasts in this dump.”
I laughed. This dump? We were literally running on a hundred thousand dollar track. But I got his point. “But they all like you.”
“No. They need me. There’s a huge difference.”
“Why do they need you?” As soon as I said it, I realized it was a dumb question. He sold them drugs.
His smile grew. “Simple supply and demand.”
Kennedy thought that Felix was only talking to me to turn me into a customer. But he never brought up his business with me. He probably sensed that I wanted nothing to do with it.
I thought about the Untouchables’ conversation I’d overheard on Monday morning. And how disheveled James had looked. Was it possible that he was on drugs? Felix’s drugs? I wasn’t sure why I cared. But I couldn’t get the image of James out of my head. I knew what it was like for a life to be cut short. And it was like James was trying to cut his life short intentionally. Matt had said that he had it taken care of. But I didn’t believe a word out of his mouth.
“Why do you sell to them?” I asked and picked up my pace. “You don’t need the money.”
“Why does anyone here even take drugs?” he countered. “They have everything they could possibly want at their fingertips. It’s a rush, newb. An escape. It makes you feel alive.”
To take drugs? To sell drugs? I was pretty sure your heart beating was what made you feel alive. But I knew I was a hypocrite. Because I’d told myself that being around Matt hadmade me feel alive. A rush. A high. And I knew I needed to get him out of my system. My heart beating was enough. I didn’t need Matt.
“You know what else makes you feel alive?” he asked. “Parties.”
I laughed. “I’ll try to come. If I can convince Kennedy.” Thatifwas key. Because Kennedy had already said no, and I doubted I’d have the courage to go if she wasn’t by my side.
Coach Carter blew the whistle to signal the end of class.
“Text me if you need directions or something.” Felix pulled a pen out of his pocket and popped the cap off with his teeth. Then he scribbled his phone number onto the back of my hand. I didn’t bother to tell him that I didn’t have a cell phone. That I couldn’t text him even if I wanted to. Which I did. He wasn’t an outcast like me. But he said he felt like an outsider. It was possible that he needed my friendship as much as I needed his.
Felix lifted my hand up to his lips. For a second, I thought he was going to kiss it. As if he was a Disney prince. Instead, he blew on the ink.
A chill ran down my spine. I should have known. Princes didn’t sell pot.
“And I can make you a promise,” he said as he dropped my hand. “Tonight you’re going to remember what living feels like.”
I knew Felix was bad news. I knew it, but for the first time in my whole life, I didn’t care. What was the point of always following the rules? There were no guarantees that I’d have a tomorrow.And I knew that heartbeats weren’t enough. My heart was beating and I felt…stuck. Because each time it beat all I could think about was how my mom’s had stopped.
I didn’t know how Felix was going to make his promise come true. But I wanted him to try. Now I just needed to convince Kennedy to come with me tonight.
***
“No,” Kennedy said and plopped her tray down in the hotel's kitchen. We only had a few minutes before our dessert trays would be missed at the party. This was my last chance to convince her.
“But…” I started.
“No. God, I knew you were going to try to get me to go to that stupid party when I saw Felix’s number on your hand.”
