"Exactly, Hails. People that are married. They've known each other for a long time. We haven't."
"I know the way you make me feel."
He didn't say anything in response. Which in its own way was the only response I needed. I didn't make him feel the way he made me feel. Or else he'd want to see what we had. It felt like my world was crashing down around me. I swam over to the edge of the pool and hoisted myself out.
I grabbed my shoes and started walking back toward the hotel.
"Hails, wait."
But I was already closing the door behind me. I was so embarrassed. I ran over to the elevator and hit the button with my fist, trying to ignore the people staring at me and the puddle of water that I was leaving on the ornate marble flooring. All day had been fun and lighthearted and I had just ruined it. As soon as the elevator doors opened, I stepped inside.
That had been my last chance to change his mind. I looked down at the keycard in my hand. I had no idea why I was running to our hotel room. It wasn't like that was escaping from him. He was just going to follow me and I was just going to tell him everything was fine. But it wasn't. His constant rejection was slowly unraveling me. Or maybe I was already unraveled. The doors dinged open when the elevator reached my floor.
As soon as I was in my room, I let my back slide down the wall until my butt hit the floor. And I let myself cry. Really cry. For the first time since I had found out about my dad and the bar. For the first time since my life as I knew it was over. I cried because I was terrified. And not just terrified of losing my dad, but terrified of seeing Elena tomorrow. I was upset with myself for feeling weak. I was crying because I had fallen in love with a boy who loved someone else. The thought just made me cryharder.I loved him.How could I love him after only knowing him for several days? I shouldn't have felt like this. How had I let myself be this vulnerable?
I heard the door click open, but I didn't look up.
"Hailey?" His voice was gentle as he put his hand on my shoulder.
"Tyler, I get it, okay?" I wiped away my tears without looking at him. "You don't have to say anything."
"I don't think you do."
"No, I definitely do. I'm not worth waiting for. It's pretty simple, really." I pushed his hands off of me and stood up.
"That's not what I said."
"Okay, fine. I'm not as good as her, then."
"Who? Penny? Hails, this has nothing to do with Penny."
"Doesn't it?"
He put his hand under my chin and made me look at him. "It's me, okay? It's nothing you did."
"Just stop. You don't have to feed me some bullshit line, Tyler. If you felt the same way I feel, it wouldn't matter. You make me feel like I can breathe again. You make me laugh. You make me feel like everything is going to be okay. You make me feel safe."God, I'm pathetic.
Again he didn't say anything. And again it made my blood boil.
"God, I'm such an idiot," I said.
"No. No, Hails. I feel it too."
I shook my head.
"You make me feel whole again." He stepped forward, effectively sandwiching me between him and the wall. "You make me feel like there's something worth living for."
I watched his Adam's apple rise and fall.
"You make me feel like I'm not broken. I'm so sick of feeling broken."
"You're not broken, Tyler." I touched the side of his face. "Not to me."
He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss against my lips. I leaned into him. But this was different than our other kisses. There was no haste. It was slow and passionate. And if it was possible, I loved it even more.
"You deserve more than what I can give you," he whispered against my lips. "You deserve so much more."
"I just want you. I only want what you can give me."
