“I will find a way,” Arabella promised. “I will find a way somehow. Harry told me we could host a ball at the estate and many people would come. Perhaps we can find a suitable match for one of you.”
Her mind suddenly filled with thoughts of her sisters coming to visit her, of the children her sisters might have playing together. But even as she imagined it, she knew that it was too early. Her sisters would decline her offer, and she would have to make do with the grand estate that was now her home, accepting that it would be filled with nothing but her own thoughts and footsteps as she wandered the many halls alone.
CHAPTER 18
The sound of violin music filled the halls of Ridlington Manor later in the week as Harry made his way from his chambers to his study. A smile curved his lips as he paused at the music room door and peered inside. Arabella was standing by the window, her eyes closed, the violin resting under her chin. Her hand glided over the strings as she played, while the most revered tutor stood before her, giving instructions.
This was her second lesson that week, and Harry had to admit she was far better than he had thought. He hadn’t attended any of the lessons, though she hadn’t invited him. He had listened and had even thought about bringing out the harp and playing with her, but he had decided against it because it would only encourage her to think that there was something more between them.
It was becoming exceedingly difficult to stay away from her, he had to admit. He had given in to dining with her once this week, and it had been a pleasant experience. However, he realized hewas enjoying her company too much, and therefore declined further invitations to dine or breakfast together.
They had taken rides around the estate together, accompanied by Brandon and Mabel, so that she could meet the tenants. But he had made sure to keep his distance, either riding ahead or making sure that Brandon rode between them to avoid unnecessary conversation. This troubled her; he knew it from the way her expression changed whenever he made a conscientious effort to keep his distance.
He didn’t want to be cold or distant, but he couldn’t help it. If they grew too close, there was a chance that she might unravel his secrets. And then, what would she think of him?
He stepped into his study and sighed. He left the door open on purpose so he could continue to hear the music—there was something soothing about it. He was supposed to be preparing the ledger because his uncle was due to call in the next day or two to discuss the business, but he didn’t feel like it. Instead, he went to the chest by the window and opened it.
Leather binders stood against the back of the chest, and he picked up one, undoing the carefully knotted loop. The binder fell open, and a selection of sketches spilled out. The drawings were rendered in graphite pencil on parchment. Some of them were older, the parchment already yellowing and the drawings faded, but others were new. He smiled as he saw himself in a number of the sketches.
He smiled, though melancholy filled his heart when he came upon some that showed reflections of his parents when they were alive, and himself as a boy. He sighed deeply as he glanced at the artist’s signature. They lacked a full name and had only the initial ‘H’ in the bottom right-hand corner.
“Those are beautiful!” a voice came from behind him, and he jerked backward.
“Arabella,” he said, startled. “I didn’t know you were here.”
He quickly began gathering the drawings, which he had placed on the floor.
“Did you make these?” Arabella asked as she stepped closer.
He felt sweat bead on the nape of his neck as he swiftly returned the drawings to the folder, tied it, and carefully dropped it back into the chest. Then he rounded on her.
“Arabella, it is impolite to simply appear in a man’s study. I could have been working. I could’ve been with one of my business partners.”
She blinked, the color draining from her face as she stepped backward. “But you were alone. I… The door was open. I could see you. Pardon the intrusion, but I don’t think I did anything wrong.”
“At Hayward Manor, was it permissible for you to sneak up on your father in such a manner?” he barked.
However, when he saw the way her shoulders jerked and her eyes widened, he recognized the fear in her expression. He’d seen it too often in his life.
“I beg your pardon, I shouldn’t have snapped at you. You startled me, that’s all. These drawings are personal. I didn’t make them, but they are of my family.”
She raised her hand. “You owe me no explanations. I must be away.” She turned, but he followed her into the hall.
“Arabella, please. I do beg your pardon. I heard you practice. You play beautifully.”
She crossed her arms. “I playtolerably. And it is rude to listen in on someone’s music lesson.”
“Touché, touché,” he conceded. “I deserved that. In any case, you played beautifully, not tolerably. You must’ve inherited the skill from your mother.”
At this, she smiled a little. “Perhaps. I plan to practice this evening. If you like, you could join me.”
He wanted to say yes. He always found music to be terribly relaxing, but he hadn’t had anyone to play with him or for him for so long. But then, he reminded himself of the way she hadlooked at him so fearfully just moments ago, and he knew that he had to step back. The more time he spent with her, the more likely it was that he would say something to hurt her. She might discover things that would make her even more fearful of him.
“I cannot tonight,” he replied. “I am busy. I have to prepare the ledger. My uncle is coming later in the week to review it with me. He will expect to have dinner with us.”
“I suppose I will see you at that dinner, then. It seems there is no hope that I will see you before then. Very well. I will keep myself company,” she said and then walked away.
He wanted to stop her, to explain, but he knew there was no point. It was better this way for both of them. But he couldn’t deny that it hurt him not to be able to share their love of music, to be in her company. How strange it was that he should own a home as large as Ridlington Manor yet find himself and Arabella so alone. But such was life, and there was nothing he could do about it now.
