Of course, these were hollow words. He had no intention of going on any trips with anybody except for perhaps Oliver. Graham was right. Oliver, as much as he loved to embrace life, would find a wife now. He hadn’t wanted to be a marquess, but now that he was, he would do what was expected. He’d find a wife, produce an heir, join Parliament… All the things Aaron should be doing.
My life will be awfully empty.
The thought occurred to him out of nowhere, but it had gotten its grip on him. He couldn’t ignore it. Oliver would be married, and so would Graham. He had other friends, but most of them were already married or turned out to be rather unpleasant, like Henry and Marius.
He would be alone, wouldn’t he? His chest clenched as he tried to dislodge the unpleasant thought.
“I do not know… I mean, I’m not meant to be married. I don’t think…” he said, hearing his words falter as they came out of his mouth.
“Why not? I know that your engagement with Lady Lundgren was a failure, but surely there are other young women. I know you always say that you think marriage will be boring, but I also know that you do not want to grow into an old, bitter man, do you?”
Aaron got up and poured himself another glass of whiskey, before downing it. He felt a little dizzy already, and the fact that he hadn’t eaten anything or drunk anything but spirits did not bode well for him. He made his way back to the chair, slumping down into it more than anything else, and looked at his friend.
“Graham, you do not know this because you were away, but my breaking off my engagement with Lady Lundgren has put her in a terrible position.”
Graham tilted his head to the side, indicating for him to continue.
Aaron made a full report of what transpired, including the fact that Thomas Cornell, in his anger at him, had been willing to ruin Judith instead of seeing her friendly with him. Thomas had been enraged and blinded by his anger—anger Aaron had caused.
“Ruin Judith?” Graham hissed. “How dare he? I should plant a facer on him.”
“I already did,” Aaron said. “He will not go near her again. But what I wanted to tell you is that Amelia is unhappy in her marriage, and her brother blames me for it. Can you imagine how miserable she must be for her brother to act this way toward Judith, just because she is a mere acquaintance of mine?”
Graham steepled his fingers and stretched his shoulders as though he was preparing for a fight.
“None of this makes any sense, Aaron. Amelia was not ruined because you ended your engagement. It was unfortunate, but it certainly did not ruin her. She did not have to marry the Marquess of Lundgren. She could’ve married somebody else. Somebody younger.”
“No, she couldn’t,” Aaron said. “I helped ruin her reputation. She was so shamed, nobody else would even look at her.”
He relayed what Amelia had told him.
“That is not true. Pray, Aaron, do you really not know this?”
Aaron sat up straight and blinked at his friend. “What in the world are you talking about?”
“She turned down proposals after you ended things with her and then traveled to the Continent. Her parents engaged a matchmaker. I should know because I was one of the gentlemen who courted her.”
“You courted Amelia?”
Graham shrugged and waved a hand dismissively.
“I would not even call it courting. I danced with her at a ball, and I sat beside her at a dinner hosted by her parents. However, after the dinner, I was informed by the matchmaker that Lady Lundgren had set her sights on higher-ranked gentlemen. At the time, it did not bother me. I didn’t even want to court her—I did it because my mother insisted. I wasn’t ready then.
“But in any case, I do know that the Earl of Westcott was interested in her and was told a similar thing, as was the Baron Langley. While you were away, Amelia gained a reputation for being picky and difficult. The reason she did not find a match was that she spent the whole Season after you left turning down every gentleman who was not ranked highly enough—in her opinion.”
Aaron was shocked. “Is this true? You are certain?”
“Absolutely. You did not ruin Amelia. She ruined herself. Likely, her brother’s reaction is due to him not wanting his sister to be blamed, and he has just embraced the idea that it is all because of you. He might not even know what she did.”
The revelation was like a punch to the gut, knocking the breath out of him and leaving him grappling for clarity. He couldn’t sit there any longer, drowning in his tumultuous emotions.
“Graham, I—I’ll be right back,” Aaron stammered, rising unsteadily to his feet. “I just need a moment.”
“Of course,” Graham replied, a concerned look on his face as he watched his friend walk away.
Aaron quickly made his way to his bedchamber, each step feeling heavier than the last. As soon as he entered the room, he closed the door behind him and leaned against it, his breaths coming in short, ragged gasps. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, the weight of the truth pressing down on him.
“What have I done?” he whispered to himself, running a hand through his hair.
