Graham’s enthusiastic voice broke through his inner turmoil. “Aaron,” he said, “I must thank you, for Lady Judith is truly a marvel. She is what I had hoped for in a wife.”
“That is good news,” Aaron murmured, but he knew he didn’t sound enthusiastic. This did not escape his friend’s attention.
“Aaron, may I ask you something?”
Aaron forced himself to focus. “What is it?”
Graham hesitated, glancing at him. “I’ve noticed how you look at Lady Judith. I think maybe you’re interested in her.”
A sharp pang shot through Aaron’s chest, but he quickly masked it with a dismissive laugh. “Interested? In Judith? No, Graham. I’m just looking out for her. She’s like a sister to me, nothing more.”
Graham looked skeptical. “Are you sure? Because it seems like there’s more to it.”
Aaron should have known he could not fool his friend. He’d known Graham for a long time, and aside from Oliver, he was the one who knew him best. He’d have to be more convincing.
His heart pounded, but he kept his voice cold and detached.
“Trust me, Graham. I am not interested in her at all. To tell you the truth, while she is lovely—and I think you could be very happy with her—she has been a bit of a burden to me. I’ve been so busy trying to help her find a match that I’ve not been able to enjoy my time in London at all. You’d do me a favor if you wish to court her.”
“I see. So when I saw you looking at her, that meant what?” Graham asked.
“That meant I was making sure she was in good hands, that’s all. I have to report to Oliver when he returns, as you know. I have to keep an eye on her. But I will not be sad when I no longer have to be a governess of sorts to her,” Aaron said, recalling the words she’d spoken upon first hearing of this arrangement. “Besides, I’ve never wanted to marry, and I’m certainly not going to change my mind now.”
The words felt like shards of glass in his throat, each one sharper than the last. He had to make Graham believe him, even if it meant sounding cruel.
He could see the surprise and confusion in Graham’s eyes, but it was necessary. He couldn’t risk his friend suspecting the truth.
Graham slowly nodded, accepting Aaron’s words at face value. “Alright, if you say so. In that case, I think I’ll ask Lady Judith to promenade with me and perhaps visit the opera.”
Aaron forced a smile. “You should. Judith deserves someone who can make her happy.”
Graham smiled back, clearly relieved. “Thanks, Aaron. I’ll do my very best to do just that. I will most certainly pursue her.”
“You should. The two of you are perfectly matched,” Aaron urged.
As Graham walked away, Aaron felt a crushing weight settle in his chest. He had pushed Judith away and encouraged his friend to court her. The bitterness and sorrow mixed within him, leaving him feeling worse than ever. He knew he had done what he believed was best for Judith, but it didn’t make the pain any easier to bear.
Inside, his heart screamed in protest, torn between love and the fear of causing her harm. And so, he sat alone on the steps, the memory of their kiss still burning on his lips, and the bitter taste of regret lingering long after.
CHAPTER 24
Judith pressed her hand against her mouth as she listened to Aaron’s words. How could she have been so wrong? She had truly believed that their kiss had meant something to him. It wasn’t entirely meaningless.
She had been a fool. All along, she had known that his reputation was that of a rake. One of the worst rakes, in fact. He was known for his conquests. Wasn’t one of the reasons she had chosen him to help her find a husband because he knew how to charm the ladies and thus teach a lady how to charm a gentleman?
And she had fallen for it. She had truly believed that he cared for her. How dumb. How incrediblyfoolish.
That kiss… it had felt so magical, so right. But no, it hadn’t been. Perhaps she, in her delirious thoughts, had imagined it was special, but it hadn’t been. It had been just another kiss stolen from another young lady.
Had she truly learned nothing from Amelia? From her brother? Should she not have listened to them?
“Well, I shall most certainly pursue her,” Graham said as tears streamed down her face, caught by the back of her hand, which was still pressed against her mouth.
She stood up, her entire body shaking as she held onto the stone wall to her left.
“You should,” Aaron urged. “The two of you are perfectly matched.”
All this talk of him not being good for her had been nothing but poppycock. He had only said it to make himself feel better. To justify how he had allowed himself to fall back into his rakish ways.
