He forced a smile, trying to mask the storm inside him. “You need to do what is right for you, Judith,” he replied, his voice strained.
Judith tilted her head, her brow furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean, Aaron?”
Aaron felt a storm of emotions brewing within him, each one tearing at his resolve. He wanted to see Judith happy, but the thought of her with Graham was unbearable.
He struggled to find the right words, his hands clenching into fists as he fought the urge to confess his love. His mind raced, weighing the consequences of his feelings and the possible repercussions for her.
“Judith, come to the library with me,” he finally said.
He had been to the Lord Chancellor’s house before and knew where the library was, although what he was going to say once they got there was anyone’s guess. Aaron certainly did not know. It was as if his mind had gone to sleep and his heart and secret desires had taken over.
“Aaron?” Judith pressed, her tone giving away her confusion. “What is wrong?”
They walked down the hall, past an array of other guests, though none paid them any mind. The library, which was located at the far end of the hall, was a secluded place where they could talk privately without fear of being overheard or interrupted.
They walked inside, and Aaron blinked, for he forgot how grand the library was. Mahogany shelves stretched up to the ceiling, and stools were placed at the front of each row. A fire was crackling in the grate, and the sweet scent of cedar filled the air, while the smell of old books added to the pleasant atmosphere.
Despite the setting, Aaron was tormented.
“Aaron, why are you acting so strange?” Judith asked, her voice soft yet insistent.
He avoided her eyes, his heart pounding. Every instinct screamed at him to hold back, to maintain the carefully constructed façade he had built around his feelings. But the storm within him was relentless, and he could no longer keep it contained.
He took a step closer to her, his breath hitching in his throat.
“You want to know what the problem is?” he whispered as he cupped her face in his hands. “This is the problem.”
Before he could second-guess himself, he closed the distance between them and kissed her.
The moment their lips met, everything else faded away. The world outside ceased to exist. The chatter that had drifted into the room disappeared. There was only Judith, and the overwhelming rush of emotions flooding through him.
The kiss was gentle at first, tentative, as if he feared she might pull away. But when she didn’t, when she responded with equal passion, something within him broke free. He poured all his unspoken feelings into the kiss, his thumbs caressing her cheeks, his fingers trembling against her skin.
Despite having kissed many ladies before, this was different. This was unlike anything he had ever felt. It was as if every other kiss had been a mere shadow, a pale imitation of this intense, thrilling connection. His heart soared, every nerve ending alive with sensation. He felt as though he were falling yet held safely in the warmth of Judith’s embrace.
When the kiss finally ended, Aaron drew back, his breaths coming in ragged gasps. His heart hammered in his chest, his mind reeling from the intensity of what had just happened. He stared at Judith, her eyes wide, her lips slightly parted.
The realization of what he had done crashed over him, and guilt twisted in his gut. Suddenly, images of Amelia flashed before his eyes, and he thought back to the box of trinkets under his bed.
Why had he kissed Judith? He was bad for her, bad for any lady. Aaron had sworn to protect her, but here he was, about to ruin what could be the night that changed her life.
“I’m sorry,” he stammered, his words raw with emotion. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
Judith blinked, confusion and hurt flickering across her face. “Why, Aaron? Why shouldn’t you have kissed me?”
He looked away, unable to meet her gaze. “Because I can’t give you what you want. I can’t marry you.”
Her confusion deepened, turning into frustration. “Then why did you kiss me?”
Aaron struggled to find the right words, his thoughts a tangled mess. “Because I couldn’t stop myself. But marriage… it’s something I can’t offer. I’ve never wanted it, and I don’t think I ever will. You deserve someone who can give you everything, and I’m not that man.”
“Then why… I… Aaron. I… I do not understand you,” she stuttered, her tone betraying her frustration.
“I do not understand myself,” he replied quietly.
“We must?—”
She stopped before he could figure out what she wanted to say, for they heard the sound of approaching footsteps. Aaron’s head snapped up, panic flaring in his chest.
