She glanced at John, her worry for him gnawing at her. His face was pale, and he stirred restlessly in his sleep. The sight of his broken leg, even though it was set properly, filled her with concern and helplessness.
Judith smiled softly at Aaron. “Thank you for your help. Truly.”
“I’d help you anytime,” he replied earnestly.
Judith’s smile faded slightly as she looked down at her hands. “I just wish we didn’t need your help. It seems so unfair.”
Aaron frowned, leaning closer. “What do you mean?”
She sighed, glancing out the window at the passing scenery. “This ordeal has only impressed upon me how diminished a woman’s role is in our world. We have no legal standing, no real power. I’ll never own anything, have anything that is truly mine, or make my own legal decisions.”
Aaron shook his head. “That’s not entirely true. There are ways for women to own property. For instance?—”
Judith dismissed his words with a wave of her hand. “No, Aaron. I have to make a choice, a good one. I’m beginning to think that maybe my quest to wait for love was silly. I should have focused on finding someone decent who’d protect me and look out forme. I might be able to be friendly with such a man—maybe even love him.”
Aaron’s brow furrowed. “You regret your decision to wait for love? I know that you had decided to secure a match that might turn into love at least, but now…”
“Now I will consider anyone who is decent. I will not ask anyone to intercede on my behalf anymore either—not you, not Matilda. I must find someone, and I know I will if I lower my expectations.”
She gulped and looked past him, but then she felt a pang of sadness as she nodded.
“I see, if that is what you want,” he said.
“That’s not what I want. I want time to find someone I care about and who cares about me, but seeing how I had to rely on you to get my brother from school because I had no standing… it made me realize that I can’t leave my fate up to a notion such as love. I need to find a decent man. Maybe Lord Pembroke is that man.”
“No, I think not,” Aaron blurted out, his voice sharper than he intended. “He isn’t. Pembroke has a roving eye, and while he’s a decent enough fellow, I wouldn’t want you married to him.”
“Did you not reassure me he is a good man?” she asked, surprised.
She wasn’t even certain Lord Pembroke was the right man, but if he was decent and kind to her, she might be able to look past his roving eye, if he had one.
“He isn’t right for you,” Aaron insisted sharply.
Judith raised an eyebrow, teasing. “So, I take it you gave me false information then when I first asked you about him?”
He remained serious, his expression unwavering. “No, Judith. I’m looking out for you. I’ll help you find a good man, someone who will truly care for you and protect you.”
Judith looked into his eyes. There was an intensity there that made her heart race. Why couldn’t he be that man? Why did he have to insist that marriage was dull? If only he could see that the two of them might have something special.
They had so much in common. They loved the idea of traveling, they adored music… Alas, she pushed the feeling aside.
“Thank you, Aaron. I appreciate that.”
“Of course,” he said. “However, I want you to be happy. Do not settle too easily. We still have some weeks ahead of us before Oliver returns.”
The carriage continued its journey, the weight of their conversation lingering in the air.
Judith stared out the window, lost in her thoughts. The road ahead was uncertain, but she knew she had to be practical and make the best decision for her future, even if it meant letting go of her dreams of finding true love.
Aaron ground his teeth as he looked at Judith. The encounter at Eton had been unpleasant, to say the least. The old headmaster had refused to release John until Aaron had produced Oliver’s letter making him John’s guardian. He hated that it had come to this. A stepmother and sister ought to have the right to remove their child or brother from school, but no. He, an unrelated man, had more power. No wonder Judith was now hesitating regarding her options in life.
He wished he could protect her, be that person for her if society wouldn’t let her be in charge of her own affairs. A pang of realization struck him—could he be that person? He couldn’t deny it, being there for her in her time of need had felt good. Spending time with her felt good. He wanted to be with her, be near her. He craved her company, and he was jealous—there was no denying that.
Could he possibly be moon-eyed over her? Could he envision a future with her?
He gulped, opening his mouth to voice the possibilities, but then she sighed.
“One must always strive for happiness,” she said softly. “But if that can’t be accomplished, then looking for someone decent is best. I must take matters into my own hands. Otherwise, I might end up like some unfortunate ladies who are on the shelf, eternally reliant on their brothers—or worse, make bad matches.”
