She glanced at him, imagining how her parents had sat here together when they were young. Memories of her childhood surfaced, and she allowed herself to ponder them for a little while when a thought occurred to her and she turned to Aaron.
“I wish Oliver were here,” she said, her voice trembling slightly.
“I am certain he’d like to be here too,” he replied quickly.
“I don’t know.” She shook her head, and the wind blew a strand of her hair into her face. “He is always so distant and cold. Even on the days he did come here with me after she died. It was almost as if it was a burden.”
Aaron shook his head gently. “Oliver isn’t cold, Judith. He’s just… different. He’s always struggled with the responsibilities that come with being a marquess, especially since your father was so well-liked and admired. He feels he can’t measure up. I suspect that wanting to get you married off is something he sees as a way to prove himself.”
Judith sighed, wishing she knew her brother the way Aaron did, because Aaron’s tone was so filled with conviction—his words brooked no argument.
“Matilda told me this isn’t what our father wanted. She said he wanted Oliver to reassure me, to help me find a husband, but not by force.”
Aaron nodded thoughtfully. “Oliver wants the best for you, Judith. Although you are right, he might be interpreting things in his own way. He has a habit of doing that.”
“Aaron,” she said, turning in her spot so she was facing him. “Why is Oliver so… so… You say he isn’t cold, but different. I do not understand why. Father has loved him, and our mother as well.”
Aaron wetted his lips before replying, choosing his words with great care. “Oliver feels he’s been a disappointment to your father. Not because of anything your father said or did, but it is something he has in his own head. He doesn’t think he’ll ever live up to the standard your father had set, so he decided at a young age not to even try. In some ways, it was easier for me because my father—while rich and respected for his title—was never well-liked. People feared him, and that is how he liked it.”
Judith listened carefully. She didn’t know much about the late Duke of Nottingham. He had visited on occasion when they were children, but she had no clear memories of him.
“You think Oliver struggles because our father was popular?” she asked, not quite understanding what he meant.
“Indeed, that is exactly what I mean. It is so much harder following in the footsteps of a beloved man than in those of a hated one. I knew that no matter what, people would like me better than my father. But Oliver? No matter what he does, it will be hard to measure up to your father, not just in the eyes of the tenants, but yours, John’s and Matilda’s. He feels he is fightinga losing battle,” Aaron explained, and suddenly, Judith began to see her brother in a different light.
“Still, while I can see that is hard, forcing me to marry isn’t going to make me think of him in a higher manner,” she pointed out.
Aaron nodded. “We still have a few weeks before he returns. Who knows what will happen? If you meet the right man, all this debating and fretting will be for nothing.”
Judith appreciated his reassuring words but still felt uncertain about the future.
“Perhaps,” she murmured.
Aaron smiled gently. “Now that we have talked about the things we cannot do anything about, shall we discuss the things we can do something about? Such as introducing you to more gentlemen?”
“Of course,” she said, relieved not to have to talk about Oliver anymore.
“Would you like to go promenading on Saturday at Green Park?”
Judith brightened at the suggestion. “I would like that very much.”
“Good. Then we can also talk about my reasons for being here,” Aaron continued. “I wanted to talk to you about our next lesson.”
Judith raised an eyebrow in surprise. “I didn’t think I needed more lessons. The evening at Almack’s was a big success, despite our troubles.”
Aaron chuckled. “It was, but I noticed something. When I went to hold your hand, even for just a split second, you jerked back.”
Judith’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment. The truth was, she had pulled away because of the strange, conflicting feelings she had for him, but she didn’t want to admit that.
“I—well, yes,” she stammered.
“And I also noticed,” Aaron continued, “when you walk with a gentleman, you always put a great distance between you, walking as far away as possible.”
Judith nodded, feeling even more mortified. “It’s true. I don’t like accidentally touching a man’s hip with my own.”
Aaron smiled, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “That’s very proper of you, but gentlemen like it. It’s enticing and a little forbidden, but it must be done just right. Also, one must walk close enough to give a taste of what might be in the future.”
Judith’s face turned a bright red, deeply embarrassed by what he was saying. “Aaron, I?—”
