* * *
I made a cake of myself again. No! He made a cake of me. Again. How did I let this happen?
To kiss her so passionately only to withdraw once again had to be the worst offense yet. Now, on top of having bruised her ego numerous times, he’d robbed her of the chance to have a first kiss that was meaningful and not exchanged in haste - no matter how lovely it had been at the moment.
No! She had to stop thinking like this. Nothing had been pleasant, nothing! Whatever beauty there had been in the view seconds they were united had been sullied by his hasty departure. Hadn’t she just told him he couldn’t treat her like a doll to be picked up and toyed with when he wanted to? Now he’d done it. What was worse, she’d let him.
What is wrong with me? Why do I lose all control around him?
Sally stormed through the manicured grounds, her anger fueling each step as she made a beeline for the stables. She had to get away from this place, and now.
Reaching the stables, Sally flung open the heavy wooden doors with a force that echoed through the quiet space. She strode towards the nearest groom with urgency.
“Lawrence, gather my horse,” she commanded, her tone brooking no argument.
The groom hesitated, taken aback by the intensity of Sally’s gaze. “But, Your Grace, it’s nearly dusk?—”
“I am aware of the time,” Sally cut him off, her frustration boiling over. Remembering that he was not the groom’s fault, she gathered herself. “I beg your pardon. I appreciate your concern. I am aware of the time; please saddle him at once.”
As the groom hurried to obey her orders, Sally’s mind raced with emotions. She couldn’t bear to stay a moment longer in the suffocating presence of Leonard’s indecision. She needed to escape, to feel the wind whipping through her hair and the pounding of hooves beneath her. More than anything, she needed to talk to Joanna. Her sisters were to dine with her parents that night, and even though she didn’t want to see her mother, she had to see Joanna. Thus, the only place she could go was home.
As the groom returned with her horse, Sally wasted no time mounting him. With a sharp kick of her heels, she urged the horse forward, galloping away from the stifling confines of the estate and towards the freedom of the open countryside.
As the wind whipped past her, carrying away the echoes of Leonard’s stammered apologies, Sally felt a sense of liberation wash over her. She loved him, it was true. Despite everything, she wanted to be with him because she saw the man everyone else had seen all these years, the man he’d been before whatever had happened changed him. But the truth was that that man might be gone forever.
And the unstable person that had taken his place was not the sort one could build a future with.
When Everbright Manor loomed before her, she slowed the horse and trotted along the more familiar pathways of her former home. Peace settled on her as she looked at the large manor house that rose before her. The windows on the lower levels flickered with candlelight, and she smiled when she saw figures of their servants walking back and forth.
She dismounted at the entrance, handing her horse to one of the footmen, who smiled at her with delight. Making her way up the stairs, she felt like the girl she’d been before she left here six weeks ago to be married, light and at ease.
She knocked and smiled, expecting Jenkins, the family butler, to greet her. However, when the heavy wooden door swung open, it was an altogether different face that looked at her with a big smile.
“M.. Mother?” she stammered and stepped back. She hadn’t seen her mother since her wedding day. She’d been prepared to see her, of course, but not so suddenly, not at the front door.
“I saw you riding up, Sally. I told Jenkins I’d wait at the door. He thinks me most unorthodox now,” she chuckled and extended her arms to Sally, who flinched back.
“I am not here to see you, I am here for Joanna,” she said, aware of how cold her words sounded. Her mother’s face fell, as did her arms, and she swallowed hard.
“I see ... Well, she and Rosy came home but only briefly before leaving again. Rosy decided to spend a few days with Joanna and your father is out so it is just you and I.” The hopeful look in her eyes was like a dagger in Sally’s heart.
“I should go,” she said and turned, not ready for a conversation with her mother.
“Please don’t,” her mother pleaded and took a step after her, the floorboards emitting creak. “Sally, my dear,” her mother began, “I owe you an apology.”
Sally’s brow furrowed, her heart clenching with apprehension at her mother’s unexpected words. She took a deep breath and turned to face her but said nothing.
“I spoke with Joanna earlier,” her mother continued, her gaze filled with regret. “She told me how unhappy you’ve been, and I realized... I might have made a mistake.”
“A mistake? By setting me up with a man I hardly knew? You trapped me into this marriage with this man who doesn’t know one moment if he wants to be my friend or my foe, Mother.” She kept her voice quiet, a feat that took all her remaining strength.
Her mother raised her hands as if to placate her. “I thought Leonard would be a wonderful match for you,” her mother confessed. “He was always so jovial and kind and lovely, and I thought I was doing the right thing by encouraging your courtship. I thought you’d complement each other. Joanna and Rosy thought so, too. But I see now that I was mistaken.”
“Yes, you were. You robbed me of my freedom, Mother. Why would you do such a thing?” she had no more patience for discussions or for polite conversation. Leonard had drained her of it all. Her mother looked at her pale-faced but recovered quickly.
“I was worried you would end up ridiculed as an old maid,” her mother confessed. “How could I, as your mother, stand by and let that happen? But I see now that my fears clouded my judgment, and I failed to see the truth that was right in front of me. You are more than capable of making the best of any situation, even if... I am sorry, Sally.”
Sally wasn’t sure what it was. The strain of the last few weeks, the loneliness she experienced since Leonard withdrew from her, or the turmoil inside, but Sally found she could not hold on to the old anger anymore. Thus, she reached out to grasp her mother’s hand. “Mother, I know you wanted what was best for me and ...” For a moment, she considered telling her mother the truth about her love for Leonard but then thought better of it. The woman felt bad enough as it was; there was no need to add to it. Instead, she settled on the words Leonard had advised her to say weeks ago. “I forgive you.”
