Had he? Leonard truly had no idea if this was so or not. “I beg your pardon, I must not have heard you.”
“No, evidently not,” Aaron replied and got up, gathering his things as he moved to the seat in front of Leonard. “What’s troubling you, old friend?” Aaron inquired, head dipped to the side and his thin eyebrows raised up. “You haven’t been yourself lately.”
Leonard’s gaze drifted towards the crackling flames in the fireplace. “It’s Sally,” he confessed quietly.
“Of course,” Aaron groaned. “It seems to always be Sally that is on your mind. Has she attempted to insert yourself in your affairs again?”
Leonard shook his head, aware that his friend was growing vexed by this constant distraction. So was Leonard, but unlike Aaron, he did not have the luxury of boarding his carriage and driving away each day.
A heavy sigh escaped Leonard’s lips as he shook his head in resignation. “No, quite the opposite, actually,” he admitted. “She seems to have distanced herself from me. She hardly speaks to me anymore.”
Aaron’s eyes widened in surprise, a flicker of relief crossing his features. “Well, that’s good news, isn’t it? You’ve achieved what you wanted,” he remarked.
Leonard’s expression darkened, his turmoil laid bare for Aaron to see. “That’s just it, Aaron. I’m not sure if what I wanted is right,” he confessed. “It feels terrible the way she acts now. She is cold and … distant and… Yet, I can see a flicker in her eyes when I speak to her, as if she hopes that we will be more again but then she grows cold once more.”
“She is reminding herself to act the way you asked her to, you can’t fault her for that,” Aaron replied. “And I honestly do not understand you. You wanted this, now you don’t want it, it seems to change by the day.”
“I know it, I know! I can’t quite shake these feelings within me that wish things could be different,” Leonard lamented, already tired of his own grumbles. What did he have to look like to his friends? Someone who could not make up his mind and who complained without end.
Aaron’s gaze softened with empathy as he leaned forward slightly. “Even if you’re not happy now, Leonard, you can’t continue to toy with Sally’s emotions like this,” he admonished, though there was no malice in his words, simply the truth.
He knew he had inflicted on Sally and it gnawed at his soul, leaving behind a bitter taste of remorse. Despite his inner turmoil, Leonard knew Aaron was right. He had to accept the consequences of his actions. Besides, didn’t this just show that he had been right? He was already hurting Sally and he hadn’t yet become the worst version of himself.
“You’re right, Aaron. I can’t keep stringing Sally along. It’s not fair to her,” he admitted. “It’s best that I head to Portugal in a few days anyhow.”
“Perhaps it is. Though if you’d rather stay here, I’ll go if you need me to,” he offered. “I have offered before all you need to say is yes.”
Leonard waved off Aaron’s offer with a dismissive gesture. “There’s no need, Aaron. I can handle it on my own,” he replied.
Internally, however, Leonard’s thoughts swirled. He knew his trips had started as a way to make up for his father’s misdeed, but now the upcoming journey was one that would allow him to escape the tangled web of emotions that bound him to Sally.
As he contemplated his motivations in the solitude of his own mind, Leonard couldn’t deny the truth that stared back at him with unforgiving clarity. Yes, he was obsessed—not only with the idea of making amends for his father’s actions but also with the need to distance himself from Sally. Although oddly enough, the idea of being away from her was now more pressing because Leonard had come to the painful realization that Sally’s indifference cut deeper than any wound he had ever known. Her avoidance—it was a constant reminder of his own shortcomings, a silent rebuke that echoed in the depths of his soul.
He had to leave, though a part of him also wished to be near her.
Isn’t it just madness? To want her and to want to be away from her at the same time? Perhaps I am losing my mind entirely.
“Very well, you do as you please. I will take the time you are away to travel myself, perhaps to Scotland, I hear there is a market for wine right now. We might make new connections and …” As Aaron continued to talk, Leonard leaned back in his chair, grateful for the distraction though he knew it would be but a momentary one – if that.
CHAPTER29
Sally
Sally felt satisfied as she stepped out of the modiste on Bond Street a week later. Indulging in the latest fashions had always been a preferred pastime of her, though she knew it was frivolous. Still, she enjoyed looking at different materials and selecting just the perfect gown for every occasion. Thus far, she’d never gone wrong when selecting something from Madame Dumont.
Well, aside from that wretched robe dress that catapulted me into this life I never wanted ...
Shaking the unpleasant thought out of her head, she glanced at Rosy. Her little sister’s excitement at the new purchases was evident in her eyes.
“Dakah muslin is the best material, don’t you agree? So smooth and lovely. I think I will turn every head at your ball,” Rosy chirped.
“You always turn heads, Rosy,” Joanna said with a grin, one hand over her barely there stomach.
Bond Street was bustling with people, and the three were forced to engage in an awkward dance of getting past passers-by who did not seem to take kindly to the three sisters walking in one line. Sally, however, cared little. She was united with her sisters, and that was all that mattered.
These days, she cherished her close connection to them more than ever before. Seeing either of them always infused her with energy - something she sorely needed.
Beside her, Rosy was practically bouncing with excitement. “I can’t wait for your ball, Sally. I hope my new gown will be ready in time!”
