Joanna shifted in her seat. “There has been no offer made as of yet.”
“But there will be soon, I am certain. After all, if a man dives into the flames for you, I dare say he’d vow to marry you. And I expect to be a bridesmaid. For old time’s sake,” Judith quipped.
“Oh, it would be lovely. All three of us could be bridesmaids,” Rosy gushed.
Joanna thought the whole thing rather odd. After all, she and Judith weren’t best friends. They just knew each other. Besides, there would be no wedding… would there?
“We can wear matching dresses and help plan the wedding breakfast,” Judith added.
“Well, this proves that all things happen for a good reason,” Rosy mused. “For imagine if Joanna hadn’t broken things off with Lord Worcester—we might have missed out on this delightful friendship. Joanna would’ve been Judith’s stepmother!”
Silence fell over the table, and Joanna heard Judith inhale through her nose. This comment, innocent as it might have been, had soured the otherwise good mood.
“What? Did I say something wrong?” Rosy asked.
“Not at all, Rosy,” Judith assured her. “You did speak the truth. All is well, indeed. As for my father, he will find himself a wife more suitable in age soon, I am sure.”
The conversation continued, though it was more muted than before, and soon, Judith excused herself, citing a need to return home before dinner.
Bored after their guest’s departure, Rosy headed to the garden with Rudy, leaving Joanna and Sally behind.
With Judith gone, Sally took the opportunity to ask Joanna what had happened with Kenneth. “Pray, tell me what really happened. How is His Grace?”
Joanna picked up her cup again, the tea now cold. “It is as I said. He was unwell, but we conversed, and all is well now,” she replied, seeking to downplay the significance of their discourse. She hadn’t made sense of what she’d learned yet and was inno position to tell her sister anything, as no decisions had been made.
Sally, astute in her observations, wasn’t easily swayed. “He is? Why did he not contact you? Why did he disappear that night?” she queried, her eyebrows arching inquisitively.
“He did not feel well after the fire, but he is better now. I will see him this weekend,” Joanna explained.
“Yes, at the orphanage. But is that a facet of the grand charade, or are you really courting now? I know it is what you wanted.”
Joanna wanted to explain to her sister that she wanted to be with Kenneth but also not. Although she hardly understood her feelings, she didn’t attempt to put them into words.
Caught between wanting to evade her sister’s question and the dread of laying bare her vulnerabilities, she chose the cautious route. “It is all a charade, Sally. I was imprudent to entertain thoughts of anything beyond that,” she declared.
Ever the skeptic, Sally regarded Joanna with a scrutinizing gaze but said nothing. What could she say? Demand Joanna tell her the truth? What was the truth, at this point?
Even Joanna didn’t know. It had been so simple an arrangement—a fake courtship to help them both achieve their goals. And now? Now, it had turned into chaos and uncertainty. And her heart, she understood, was in more danger than ever before.
CHAPTER 21
The faint clink of billiard balls echoed in the room as Leonard rose to his full height, a smile on his lips. “Not bad, eh wot?” He winked at Kenneth, who was leaning against the billiard table, contemplating his next move, both in the game and the complex dance of his newfound emotions.
Two days had passed since Joanna’s visit, and Kenneth had managed to free himself from the grip fear and melancholy had had on him. He’d listened to his mother in the end and accepted her offer of laudanum. It had allowed him to sleep through the night, and in the morning, he’d felt somewhat better.
He’d likewise allowed the servants to light the fireplaces in their quarters, although he would not allow them to light any in rooms that were unattended. Even though he had to admit that he enjoyed the warmth from the lit fireplaces, they still filled him with a sense of dread. Even now, in the middle of the day, he cautiously eyed the dancing flames in the hearth in his billiards room.
“Kenny,” Leonard called. “Your turn. Or are you already imagining your next outing with Lady Joanna?”
Kenneth shrugged and lined up his shot. “I have not, no. I…” He waved a hand, not wanting to talk about his fears anymore. Although, talking about Joanna was not necessarily more welcome.
He’d thought of her often these past few days, but his thoughts and wants seemed to be in constant battle with one another. He wanted to be near her, to dream of a future with her, but his mind would not allow it.
He couldn’t lose her, but he also couldn’t lose himself to her, that much was clear.
“I will say, she has brought you out of your self-imposed exile,” Leonard added.
Kenneth, sending a ball into a pocket with a well-aimed shot, couldn’t help but smirk. “She does have a peculiar way of making one reconsider their stance on the world.”
