Maybe it’s different for her, because she’s younger. She doesn't have the same responsibilities I have. I’m the one who has to make a good match for the sake of our social and financial standing. Caroline may be free to marry whomever she likes, just as long as shedoesmarry.
Though it was something she had never anticipated, something she had certainly never experienced before, Esther found herself feeling envious of her little sister.
Is Amelia right? Is that something I want? To findlove?
Esther shook off the feeling. The only thing happening here was that she was nervous about the days ahead. It would be a mistake to conflate that feeling with a wish to give up on what her parents wanted her to do.
Amelia emerged from the Manor. “Everything's accounted for, My Lady,” she said to Esther’s mother.
“In that case, the two of you had better set off,” Esther’s mother said. “You have a long way to travel, and I don’t want you on the roads after dark.”
Esther’s was not an affectionate family. Caroline was the only one to embrace her as she said farewell. The footman helped Esther into the carriage, and Amelia climbed up after her. The door was closed behind them.
Esther felt a rush of excitement. Her journey was officially beginning.
She waved to her family out the window of the carriage as it pulled away, but she stopped waving before she lost sight of them. "I don’t think I’ll miss them much,” she remarked to Amelia as the carriage picked up speed.
“I imagine you’ll be too distracted with all the events you’ll soon be attending and the people you’ll be meeting to miss them,” Amelia said.
“Well,” Esther amended, “I believe I probably will miss Caroline. Idowish there was some way she could have come with us, even though I know she’s far too young for balls and parties. She would enjoy simply being near it all. She would enjoy seeing Eugenia and me get dressed up, and she would love hearing descriptions of who I had danced with each evening.”
“Your sister is quite a romantic,” Amelia agreed. “I hope she’s able to do this herself someday.”
“Then you do understand why it’s so important for me to make the best possible match,” Esther said. “It’s for Caroline’s sake.”
“I understand, My Lady,” Amelia said. “And I must ask your pardon for being so opinionated about the matter. I know you face challenges I can only imagine when it comes to courtship.”
“You said nothing that you need to apologize for,” Esther assured her. “The truth is, thereisa part of me that envies how carefree Caroline is able to be when it comes to courtship and marriage. When the time comes for her Season, she won't have the worries I do.”
“You don’t need to have those worries either,” Amelia pointed out. “I know it’s not in your nature to do so, My Lady, but you could defy your parents’ wishes.”
“There’s no need,” Esther said. “I shouldn’t think too hard about this. I’ve never been the sort of young lady who gets carried away by fantasies. You know that.”
“I do know that,” Amelia agreed. “You’ve always been levelheaded. It’s one of your most admirable qualities…most of the time.”
“Most of the time?” Esther asked.
“Fantasies can be fun from time to time,” Amelia said. “You deserve to give in to your imagination. Don't you think so?”
“I don’t think it’s a matter of what I deserve,” Esther said. “It’s a matter of what my family needs. And what they need is a solution to their financial problems.”
“You’re a very good elder sister, you know,” Amelia said. “I wish I had a sister like you when I was growing up. I truly admire the lengths to which you are willing to go for Caroline’s sake.”
“I'd do anything for her,” Esther said.
“I see that,” Amelia said. “She’s very lucky indeed, My Lady.”
“You know, Amelia,” Esther said. “You act as though I'm going to have to choose between doing my duty and enjoying myself. But I’m not convinced that it really does have to be that way. There’s every chance I’ll meet a gentleman who’s witty and charming and also lives up to the standards my parents have set.”
“Such a gentleman would be very much in demand, My Lady,” Amelia mused.
Esther grinned. “Meaning what? You don’t think I’d be capable of engaging the interest of a gentleman with so much to recommend him?”
“On the contrary,” Amelia said. “I’m sure you would.”
“That’s the kind of gentleman I hope to meet this Season,” Esther said. “One whose company isn’t a burden to me, and one who will be impressive to my parents as well.”
“Well, I very much hope you find the gentleman you’re describing, My Lady,” Amelia said. “He does sound like the perfect solution to your problems. I just hope he exists!”
