“Yes.” Esther seemed relieved that he had remembered. “Yes, that’s what she wants.”
“That’s why she said the things she said tonight?” Hugh asked. “To try to make me forget my feelings for you?”
“That’s it exactly,” Esther said. “You do understand.”
He shook his head. “I don’t understand,” he said. “Because everything she said wastrue, Esther.”
Her chin shook, but she didn’t break eye contact with him. “I don’t deny that,” she said.
His heart cracked a little. He had longed for her to deny it. “You don’t deny any of it?” he asked. “It’s true that you only sought me out because I’m the Duke of Hallowbinder?”
“That’s how it started,” Esther said. “But that was a long time ago, Hugh.”
“What do you mean?” he asked. “It wasn’t a long time ago. It was only a few weeks ago. Only two balls ago. The Season has barely begun.”
She shook her head. “You’re right,” she said. “But it feels like a long time ago to me now. Everything has changed. I’m so different.”
“You’re saying that, but how can I believe it?” he asked. “What do you expect me to believe has actually changed since that night?”
“I love you,” she said desperately. “You must know that I love you.”
“I don’t know anything,” he said. “I thought I knew you, Esther. I thought I understood who you were that first night. You blew me away with your strength of character, your willingness to pursue whatyouwanted instead of adhering blindly to the things society said you ought to want. I really believed it didn’t matter to you that I was a Duke.”
“It doesn’t matter to me,” she said.
“But you admit that you tried to get to know me because of who I am.”
“My parents raised me to believe that I had to marry for wealth and status,” Esther said. “You’ve met them, Hugh. You know what they’re like. I was a child. What they told me, I believed with all my heart.”
“And what did they tell you?”
“That I was the only one who could save our family,” she said. “My little sister, Caroline—there’s no money to provide for her future. If I didn’t marry well, she would have nothing. That was what my parents always said.” She looked down at her feet. “I love my sister more than anything in this world, Hugh. I would do anything for her.”
“Even marry someone you didn’t love.”
“Yes,” Esther said. “Even that.”
“And that’s what you came to London to do.”
“Hugh, I won’t lie to you,” Esther said.
“You’ve been lying to me all along,” Hugh pointed out.
She drew a sharp breath, as if she had been slapped.
Hugh felt a stab of guilt, for causing her pain. But at the same time, he was glad. She had hurt him. Why should he flinch at hurting her back?
“I won’t lie to younow,” Esther said, clearly fighting to keep her voice steady. “You’re right. That’s why I came to London. And when I learned your name from Eugenia, I did set out to win your attention. I knew you would be my best chance. Eugenia told me you were the most eligible gentleman in London. If I won the hand of a Duke, my parents would be pleased with me. And, much more importantly, Caroline would be provided for. It was all I cared about.”
“And yet you expect me to trust you now?” Hugh asked disbelievingly. “After you’ve told me specifically that you’ve been lying to me all along?”
“No,” she said. “No, it isn’t like that, Hugh.”
“Then tell me what it’s like. I want to understand.”
“You said that you were blown away by my strength of character,” she said. “Did you mean that?”
“I meant it,” he said. “But I was wrong, wasn’t I? It wasn’t your character I was seeing at all. It was what your parents had told you to be, and what you had decided to show me, but it wasn’t the real you.”
