“I know!” Esther said.
“Arms out, please,” her lady’s maid reminded her.
Esther extended her arms, and Amelia lifted the gown carefully over her head. Once it had been removed, she turned away from the looking glass to watch as Amelia put the gown away.
“What am I going to do?” she asked.
Amelia brushed her hands on her skirt. “I’m afraid I don’t see the problem,” she admitted. “You say he cares for you?”
“He says he’s falling inlovewith me,” Esther said.
“And how do you feel for him?”
Esther closed her eyes. “I’m afraid I might be falling in love with him, too,” she said. “The way he looks at me—I feel like I’m going to break apart. I feel like my heart is going to burst. I feel like I’d give everything in the world for just the touch of his hand.”
“Then it sounds to me as if you don’t have a problem,” Amelia said gently. “You love the Duke, Esther, and he loves you. This is a good thing.”
“It’s adangerousthing,” Esther said. “How can I be logical—how can I be responsible—when all I can think about is love? I came here to do a job. I have a duty to my family and my sister.” She shook her head. “What if someone had seen us in the garden tonight?”
“You’d hardly be the first lady whose suitor had stolen a kiss,” Amelia said. “There might be talk, but I’m sure it would be nothing too disgraceful. And the Duke would surely continue courting you. You can’t be worried about that.”
“No,” Esther agreed. “I’m not.”
“Then what is it?” Amelia asked. “What has you so vexed?”
“I don’t know,” Esther said. “I felt as if I was in control of everything for a long time. And now I begin to see that I’m not. None of this is in my control at all. Perhaps it never was.”
“Love can’t be controlled,” Amelia said wisely. “The heart goes where it wants to. It can’t be forcibly given.”
“I didn’t mean to fall in love with him.” Esther said.
Amelia took her arm, led her to the bed, and sat down beside her.
“Is it really so bad?” she asked. “This doesn’t get in the way of your plans at all, My Lady. You can still be courted by him. You can still marry him. I’m sure he’ll ask you. You can still have the life you dreamed of. Your parents will be happy, and Lady Caroline will be well provided for. And you’ll be happy, too. Surely this is a good thing?”
Unable to contain herself, Esther burst into tears.
Amelia’s shock showed on her face. “My Lady!” She scrambled for a handkerchief. “I’m sorry. I never meant to upset you. What’s wrong?”
“You didn’t upset me.” Esther shook her head and dabbed at her eyes. “Or rather—Iamupset, but it isn’t because of anything you said. I just feel so awful.”
“But I don’t understandwhy!”
“Because I love him,” Esther said. “And that changes everything. You said nothing would change, Amelia, and perhaps in one way you’re right. But in another way,everythingis different. I meant to marry for wealth. I meant to marry for status. I never intended to care so passionately about the Duke, about his feelings and his hopes.”
Amelia watched her quietly, saying nothing. Just waiting.
“I thought it didn’t matter that he wanted love, because he was still getting a good wife,” Esther went on. “I thought the fact that Ilikedhim, that Irespectedhim, was good enough.”
“You don’t think so anymore?”
“It isn’t what he wanted,” Esther said. “He wanted a courtship with a like-minded lady. He wanted someone who also wished to marry for love.”
“But youdolove him,” Amelia said. “So there’s nothing to fret about. You may not have set out to fall in love, but youhavefallen in love. The Duke will get his wish. Just like your parents. Just like you and Lady Caroline.Everyonewill be happy now, My Lady. I can’t understand why you aren’t pleased.”
“I feel too guilty,” Esther said. “I can’t stop thinking about the fact that I deceived him. Yes, I love him now. But I didn’t set out to fall in love. I let him believe that was what I wanted, but in truth, Ididonly want money and status.”
“You changed your mind,” Amelia said. “There’s no crime in that.”
