Playing the organ gave her peace and she was not ready to return to the harsh reality of the world just yet.
“Return to the manor without me, Charlotte. Have the coachman return for me after the rain passes.”
“My lady, you cannot stay here by yourself!” Charlotte’s eyes were large with shock at the mere suggestion. Ruth smiled at her and shook her head.
“I assure you; I will be perfectly safe. I quite like the idea of being here alone. Indeed, it was quite unnecessary for me to have a chaperone out here, at church. I believe Her Grace was simply a little overprotective on account of my sister’s insistence. Please, leave me here. I would like some solitude.”
The maid stepped from one foot onto the other, swaying her head slightly as she did so. At last, she nodded.
“Very well. This time of year, we suffer rainstorms but not much worse, and it doesn’t last too long either. I shall return to the manor if you are sure.”
“I am.” Ruth smiled and watched as the maid curtsied and departed. Alone at last, Ruth sat down at the organ once more and placed her hands on the instrument. Before she could fall back into her state of bliss, her eyes fell on the candle stand to her left.
A single candle was now lit, flickering in the light. She couldn’t help but think of what a lovely tribute it was to light a candle for one’s loved ones. A tribute she had never been able to bring herself to show.
Before she knew what she was doing, she rose and stepped toward the candle. Mesmerized, she looked into the dancing flame.
Such a small, innocent looking flame, just like the one in the wine cellar, the one Sophia carried. And look what it did. To me, to Mama, and to our whole family. And yet, I cannot help but wish I too could light a candle for my mother, so my prayers may be carried up to heaven to her.
Without thinking, she reached for one of the unlit votive candles, removing it from the red glass case. She sat it down on the stand and picked up the box of matches. With shaking hands, she pulled out a match and moved her hand toward Charlotte’s candle.
Ruth hadn’t been able to bring herself to light a candle since the day of the accident. Fire terrified her. And yet today she was overcome with the need to light the candle for her mother.
She wasn’t quite sure why. Maybe it was because of the way the Duchess favored Sophia. There was something motherly about the way the woman looked at her little sister. She had to admit, she found herself a little envious that morning when the two made their plans for the day. Even though Sophia had attempted to include her, the lack of attention from the Duchess hurt.
Even though there were maternal figures in her life all along, in the shape of her governess, her aunts, and even the housekeeper, none could ever replace her mother. Seeing Sophia’s newly formed bond with the woman who might be her mother-in-law made Ruth long for their mother more than ever.
Faith, Mama. How I wish I could have saved you. How I wish you were with me still. The least I can do for you is light a candle.
She sighed deeply and looked at the match in her hand. She gripped it between her index finger and thumb, pressing down hard to keep it from shaking. The warmth of the small candle grazed the tips of her fingers as her heartbeat sped up.
Her mouth opened slightly as she stared at the flame. She was about to light the match, conquering one of her biggest fears. Ruth placed the match into the flame, watching as it caught light. She trembled and went to light her candle for her mother when suddenly a thunderclap boomed outside.
“Goodness!” She yelped and jumped up when to her horror, the match fell from her hand and on to the floor. It rolled on the ground for a moment and then it came to rest next to a leaf which caught aflame at once.
She stared at it, unable to move even an inch. Her breathing quickened and she felt faint at the sight. Having nothing to spread to on the stone floor of the chapel, the little leaf burnt up and the flame died out, however for Ruth it was too late.
In her mind she was back in the wine cellar and all around her the flames were rising, and the fire became the roaring sea just like it had on that day. A part of her knew it was an illusion, a cruel trick played on her mind – and yet she could not move, could not free herself from the grip the past had on her. She sat, shaking, and crying, caught in a moment that had long ago passed.
Chapter 16
From one second to the next, the sky opened, and rain poured on Kenneth as he rode Artemis through the forest separating his estate from the village.
“Zooks,” he cursed under his breath. He’d seen the sky darkening as he bade farewell to Jack after their afternoon at the tavern. He considered staying at Caster Hall to wait out the storm but decided he’d be able to make it home before the rain set in. He’d been wrong. Very wrong, for he was still at least ten minutes from Goldclaw Manor when the first drops of rain hit his face.
He felt the rain run through his hair and down his back. He shuddered at the sensation. Contemplating what he ought to do when he glimpsed a building nearby.
The family chapel! He hadn’t visited the building in some time, but it was the perfect location to wait out a rainstorm, that was for sure.
Thunder boomed almost directly above him and he spotted a flash of lightning from the corner of his eyes. Kenneth dug his heels into Artemis’s side.
“Come on, boy. Almost there.”
By the time he arrived at the chapel - no more than a minute or two later - he was already soaked. He dismounted, tying his horse to a beam under an overhang to keep him from getting any wetter. Then he rushed for the door, stopping briefly in surprise when he found it open.
He entered slowly, glancing around.
“Hello? Is anyone here?”