Meredith answered slowly. “Yes, well, there is the fact that I do not own a dinner-party gown, or any accessories to go along with it. What is more, I would not know how to act or behave or even what to say.”
Anthony felt his heart sink. This was exactly the sort of thing that Colin was referring to in their last conversation. He was so caught up in the preparations and the excitement that he had not even considered Meredith’s position in all of this.
He was just now realizing that while he viewed attending dinner parties as commonplace and even tedious, such things were normally out of reach for Meredith.
He bit his lip. “But think of how disappointed Kenneth, Colin, and I would feel if you do not attend, Meredith! Especially Kenneth, he was the one who invited you in the first place. Come, if something to wear is all you are lacking, then I would be happy to procure something for you.”
Meredith sighed. “That’s very generous of you, Anthony. But need I remind you that Kenneth—I mean, that is, Lord Farellshire—invited me to the party back when you were all under the impression that I was of noble birth, which we all now know isnotthe case. This fact has countless implications.”
“For instance, how could I expect to mingle and socialize at a party where I don’t belong? A few days ago, an old friend pointed out that I would feel quite out of place. And though I did not understand him at first, I have given his words a lot of consideration since then and yes, he is quite right.”
“So while I thank you wholeheartedly for your unwavering generosity, I- I simply cannot attend. I truly am sorry.”
Anthony’s stomach continued to twist and sink until it felt like it was ultimately replaced by an abyss. Meredith’s words were reminding him of the cold truth—that no matter how hard he wished, nights like this certainly donotlast an eternity, that regardless of how secure or contented they felt together, this was not the reality of their situation.
This was all pretend. They could pretend to be friends on equal footing here. They could pretend to be conquerors of distant constellations and pretend that nothing else mattered. They could pretend all they wanted and it would not change a thing. The reality was that no matter what, they would always simply be employer and governess.
Dejectedly, he sank to the grass and crossed his arms.
Confused, Meredith kneeled beside him and inquired, “Anthony? I thought we were about to go back inside.”
He furiously scratched the back of his head, “I know this sounds childish, Meredith, but I’ve suddenly changed my mind. I want to stay out here for as long as possible because— because I know the moment we set foot inside that house, I shall become Your Grace once more and you shall once again be Miss Meyer.”
“And do you know what? I quite like being Anthony. And I quite prefer Meredith to Miss Meyer! Yes! That is an indisputable fact. I like… Meredith.”
Both of them instantly looked away. Anthony could feel his face growing quite hot. He obviously hadn’t meant it in that way, at least, he hadn’t meant to admit it out loud. He had now dug himself quite a deep hole. So instead of trying to talk his way out of it, he buried his face in his hands and waited for her to excuse herself and get as far away from him as possible.
But when he finally lowered his hands, she was still there, smiling at him gently. She plucked a blade of grass and began fidgeting with it.
“It’s funny you should say that, because I quite like Anthony more than His Grace, too.”
He slowly turned his head towards her. She was still directing all of her attention on the blade of grass, so he reached out to hold her hands still. She looked up.
He had her attention at last, “May I kiss you, Meredith?”
She nodded.
He leaned in.
Anthony had never kissed anyone before. Well, granted, he never had anyonetokiss before. It wasn’t at all anything like he had assumed it would be.
It was far better.
As the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. But even though the kiss was short-lived, Anthony knew that its effects would be forever irreversible.
The kiss had changed him. Through it, he finally understood what it meant to be alive. He now saw that for all of these years, he had merely been drifting through life, complying with the burdens and duties thrust upon him, repeating the viewpoints and ideas others considered respectable. Whether he was eating, speaking, or sleeping, he had unquestioningly obeyed what had been dictated to him.
It is no wonder that Kenneth and Colin had always teased him for being uninteresting. Without realizing it, up until mere moments ago, Anthony had viewed life as quite uninteresting. Dinner parties and horse rides up and down Linden Park, gentleman’s clubs and refined clothing, none of it had interested him.
Looking out for Cecilia and running the estate had given him some sense of purpose, but even then he was simply upholding his duties as a brother and eldest son. But with Meredith, he had gotten a taste of what it would be like to live for himself.
It was exhilarating.
Together, they stood up and walked towards the house. He led her by the hand until they reached the threshold of the kitchen. He flashed her a smile.
Indeed, Anthony wasn’t worried about going back inside now for he knew that henceforth, she would always be Meredith to him. And nothing—and no one—was going to change that.
* * *
