“I cannot… stand … by him,” Holding a handkerchief to her face, Eugenia wailed. “Duchess … said so.”
“Just because the Dowager Duchess said it does not make her right,” Lady Helena replied, stroking her hand down Eugenia’s braid. “Many nobles have married beneath their stations. Many have married above them. You have an opportunity to marry for love, a chance I may not ever get.”
“He will … not marry … me.”
“Did he say that?”
Eugenia shook her head against Lady Helena’s bosom.
“Then do not put words he did not say in his mouth,” Lady Helena said sternly. “Had you given him the chance, he might have asked you to marry him. What would an honorable man like him do? Love you, but marry a wealthy heiress, and keep you as his mistress? I certainly cannot see His Grace doing that.”
Despite Lady Helena’s words, Eugenia could not be comforted. With a steady stream trickling down her cheeks, she helped her mistress into her dressing gown, braided her hair for bed, and crawled into her own. She kept her weeping as quietly as possible but eventually rose from her bed to sit in a chair by the window. Staring out into the darkness, she saw her tears reflected in the glass and felt a burning pain in her chest – her heart had been broken.
By dawn, she felt exhausted, and her tears had finally dried. Numb, she avoided Lady Helena’s concerned gaze and washed her face in cold water to help her swollen eyes. Gazing at herself in a looking glass, Eugenia could not face leaving these rooms. Nor could she risk seeing Maximilian again.
“Please let me remain here,” she begged Lady Helena. “We will be leaving for London soon, and I would rather not ever see him again.”
“I think that is a mistake, Eugenia,” Lady Helena replied, her hands on her hips. “Today, yes, because you look a fright, and I know how raw your feelings are right now. But tomorrow – we shall see.”
Discovering how easily she could turn into another Clara and seldom leave her mistress’s chambers, Eugenia performed her work, keeping her focus strictly on it and not Maximilian. After luncheon in their private chambers, she nodded off while sitting at the table and dreamed of Maximilian standing in the darkness, and the echo of his voice calling to her over and over again.
“No,” Lady Helena said firmly as Eugenia brushed out her auburn hair and coiled into an attractive coiffure the next morning. “Youwillattend me today, even if it means encounteringhim.Some of the guests will be leaving shortly, and I will have my maid with me.”
Going through the motions, Eugenia dressed herself with care, braided her dark brown locks and followed Lady Helena down the stairs. She both dreaded seeing Maximilian and longed for it. Yet, as Lady Helena entered the dining hall, she fled into the kitchen for her own meal. Fortunately, due to the sheer number of guests, Mr. Simmons and Deryn were far too busy to pay her much heed.
Mr. Oldman, of course, still followed her faithfully, and at her insistence, he ate in the kitchen with her. He never said anything about it, but by the occasional sympathetic glance he shot her, he had heard every word she and Maximilian said to one another. Still, his presence steadied her, and she could stand behind Lady Helena throughout the day without collapsing into another downpour of crying.
“Look.”
Lady Helena gave her a nudge. “He looks like he has not been sleeping. See the circles under his eyes?”
They mingled in the bailey with a small crowd of other guests as Maximilian and the Dowager Duchess saw others into their carriages. Sure enough, Maximilian appeared to have forgotten how to smile. His cheeks were drawn in tightly, and dark bags hung under his eyes. Eugenia thought she saw him glance her way, but because the two of them stood to the back of the group, she could not be certain.
As Maximilian, his expression grimly neutral, shook hands and his horrid stepmother – as Eugenia had begun to think of her – smiled brightly, Eugenia knew she had caused his suffering. Yet, despite her guilt, she had done what was best for him forthem.She would feel terrible if he was turned away from court because of her or if society turned their backs on him.
I did it for me, as much as for him, so I can have a peaceful conscience.
Feeling eyes on her, Eugenia glanced toward Maximilian; he had spotted her. But his back had turned as he spoke with another man. Glancing around the bailey, she found a tall woman with grey streaks in her hair watching her intently. Changing the direction of her eyes, Eugenia leaned toward Lady Helena.
“Who is that woman?” she whispered.
“Who?”
“The lady with the grey in her hair. She is staring at us. Or me.”
Lady Helena casually looked around as though not carefully examining faces. “Oh. That is the Duchess of Dentonshire. Very nice lady. She is good friends with my parents.”
Feeling uncomfortable, Eugenia stepped forward so that Lady Helena stood between herself and the woman. “Why is she staring?”
“I do not know. Do you want me to ask her?”
“No. It is all right. Perhaps we should go now. It is almost time to change for supper anyway.”
“Very well.”
Thankfully, the woman did not follow them, although Eugenia still felt the woman’s eyes on her back as they returned inside the castle. She thought about this Duchess while helping her mistress change and restyle her hair. Deciding that the woman did not actually stare at her but rather at Lady Helena, Eugenia followed her mistress down the stairs to supper. As ever, Mr. Oldman trailed along behind her.
This time, however, Maximilian stood by the dining hall door, watching them arrive. Try as she might, Eugenia could not look away from him. He bent to say something to Lady Helena as she strolled toward him. When he saw Eugenia entered the hall, Maximilian walked toward her. Eugenia froze, her heart in her mouth, as she looked up at him. She forgot to curtsey.
