Chapter 18
As Annabelle glancedover at Floyd she felt utterly terrible. Things were not exactly working the way that she thought they would, and it was getting harder with every single day. She did not know that it was going to be such a challenge, in her young, naïve mind she assumed that things would fall into place if she wanted it hardenough.
Unfortunately, that was not thecase.
"We will get a job soon," she said reassuringly while squeezing Floyd’s hand. “It will all befine.”
Throughout everything, Annabelle was doing her utmost to remain positive. Even though they did not yet have a permanent place to live, and the money that her mother had given her was running out, it was still an adventure. She was away from home, seeing more of the world. It was all she had wanted for a very long time. Just because it was not exactly as planned, did not make ithorrible.
At least I am not Lord Ashdown’s wife,she reminded herself constantly, any time a scrap of self-doubt crept in.It could beworse.
“I feel like I am letting you down,” Floyd replied, tight-lipped. “I should be able to take care of you. This is not right. I am a failure as a man because I cannot look after you.” He ran his eyes over the girl he fell in love with, hating himself for dragging her to so many places without any luck. He was not offering any money into the pot, and he suffered because of that. “I am terribly sorry, LadyHathaway.”
“I am not a Lady anymore,” she replied with a much too bright smile. “This is not your fault, Floyd, I brought you out into the world withme…”
Her words trailed off as Floyd shook his head regretfully. He would not allow Annabelle to take all the blame. There were many things he could have done to stop it if he had tried hard enough. His desperation to be with this beautiful woman won though and drove him right into herarms.
“Annabelle, I just want to find a way for us to be happy, that is all. It is demoralizing to keep being turned down from place toplace.”
He did not mean to get despondent, but it was overwhelming. He could feel the blocks of pressure piling onto his shoulders. The further they got into the countryside, the more luck he assumed that they would have. It was horrible that they hadnot.
“We will keep on trying,” Annabelle replied brightly. If she could just lift up Floyd’s spirits, then it would be alright. “There has to be somewhere for us, does therenot?”
Floyd shook his head, trying his best to get rid of his negative thoughts. The last thing he wanted was to grow morose and ruin their lives evenmore.
“I do apologize,” he twisted his lips upwards to get a happy expression on his face. “I know that you are right. We will just keep on trying, eventually, we will get some luck. All I want is for you to be happy. Youarehappy?”
Annabelle did not mean to pause, but Floyd’s direct question threw her a little. Even though she knew she felt good by leaving her father’s restrictive rules behind, plus, of course, Lord Ashdown, there were things that held her happiness back, just a littlebit.
She never realized how lucky she wasbefore.
Before, in her house, she had endless space to move about in. There was so much emptiness that the Hathaway family did not know what to do with. Now, she had experienced the rookeries where hundreds of people with no money at all lived, all cramped together in smelly, dirty conditions. Annabelle had seen things that she had only heard about in whispered horror stories before. Men and women drinking too much and acting in a humiliating way in public as if they had no fear about their reputation at all. Women with cheap clothing and very thick makeup plastered across their faces, whom Floyd whispered to her were street girls. Young ladies forced to sell their bodies for money just to survive, an idea which sent a powerful, horrified shiver racing up and down Anabelle’sspine.
She had prepared herself to see people without the money for nice clothing and much food, but she had not been ready to see such a stark difference between the life she gave up and the one she was diving into head first. She would have been utterly foolish to not have some fears aboutthat.
“I am happy,” she eventually told Floyd, needing to think only of the good things. “I am very happy to be withyou.”
Floyd lifted Annabelle’s soft hand to his lips and he pressed a gentle kiss against her skin. “Then we shall make this work, I assure you. Soon, we will have everything workedout.”
This is good,Annabelle convinced herself.Floyd is happier now, this will befine.
“I believe in you,” she told him firmly. “I know we can find the life that wedesire.
She did not tell Floyd that she was not surewhatlife she wanted anymore. Annabelle could not lie to herself, the idea of having something similar to her old life was much more appealing than existing in the slums... but if that was what she ended up with then what could shedo.
She had made this choice, now she needed to make the best of it in whatever way shecould.
“We just need to keep on going until we find a home that is searching for two employees. It may feel like a challenge now, but soon we will look back at this time of our lives and laugh." No, that did not sound right, even Annabelle did not think she could convince Floyd of that one. “Or at least it will be a time that made usstronger.”
Annabelle leaned across and she pressed her lips up against Floyd’s gently. He still seemed stiff, she could tell that there was a lot of stress coursing through his body, but he at least kissed herback.
They still had love, if nothingelse.
* * *
The house saton the edge of a lake, causing its reflection to ripple as a light breeze flew through the trees. The brown bricks created a large square in the middle of lush greenery that seemed to stretch on for miles. As the sunshine glittered off the endless windows and bounced from the rounded turrets at the top of the building, it reminded Annabelle of acastle.
Maybe it was not as big as the home Annabelle had once lived in herself, and the land surrounding it was not as broad, but she was so happy to be here. It was much better than the places she had stayed in during the last fewweeks.
